Maybe I was your karma, or maybe you were mine. Regardless of which finger we want to point, everything happens the way it’s supposed to. And even if you can find comfort in knowing that, it’s okay to still feel sad after making the right decision.
Making the right decision, the one that will improve your life in the future but hurt you short term for right now, yes, those are the hardest to make. It’s so hard to see the long haul, when the pain of the short term gives that consistent heavy burden that you seemingly can’t shake. It feels like you are carrying a brick house on your heart, with dark rain clouds over your eyes, yet a small piece of you knows this was the right decision for you.
It’s quite empowering to realize that you did something so brave. You chose yourself, no matter how hard it was, and that is commendable. Even with that heavy brick house on your heart and those rain clouds hovering. You made a decision to live a better life. You left the job or the person, the toxic environment or the friendship. Whatever you left behind will soon only live in your past. And that may be the most beautiful part. The past no longer exists. It only exists in our mind. The past is a story we keep telling ourselves, because truly, it does not live in the present. So you get the gift of remembering, or not. You give yourself the gift of remembering it how you want to or not at all.
And I know on your toughest days you’ll want to take it all back. The days you don’t want to get out of bed or spend Saturday night alone on the couch. The moments where being alone feels so much worse then sticking through what you decided to leave. I know those moments all too well. But I also know this. Those moments pass, and you will find the new. The new person to spend Saturday night with, the new job that makes you jump out of bed in the morning. They, it, will come. It always does. So trust in yourself and the decisions you made, even if they put you in a tough space for a small moment or two.
Whatever you choose, just remember to choose yourself. Hard decisions will always come and go. And so will good moments and bad. Change is the only constant in life, but you, yes you, have the control of what comes next. You can make the right decision or the wrong one. You always have a choice. You always have the choice, even if it was the wrong one, to change course and choose a new path. No matter the path you choose, the decisions you make, or the memories you hold on to, remember to always choose yourself.