I’m the kind of friend who will surprise you with a care package when you’re sick and get you a gift for your birthday to make sure you feel seen. I’m the kind of friend who will protect you and do whatever it takes to make sure you’re taken care of, whether that means wiping your tears or doing you a favor. I’ll offer my quiet company or advice, depending on what you ask for, and I’ll always support your big dreams because I want to see you win.
I’m also the kind of friend who will validate you. If you’re going through something with someone, I will always take your side, because my loyalty lies with you—but that’s not always the right thing to do. That doesn’t always allow us to see things clearly. And it doesn’t always help you see parts of the situation that you can’t access on your own.
People come to me because they know I’ll pull them into positivity, at the very least. And at the very most, I’ll pull them into my peace. They come to me because they know I’ll forgive them. That I’ll choose to see the best in them—their inner child and full potential—and I think sometimes they take advantage without knowing it.
I’ve been the friend who people reach out to when they’ve made a mistake, because they know I will console them before I will judge them. But then I end up being the friend who only gets the worst of them. When they’re disappointed in themselves, they’ll come to me to lift them up, but when they’re up, they’re nowhere to be found.
I’ve been the friend who people don’t think to invite to things. And that makes me feel like I’m not good enough or fun enough and they’d prefer not to have me around.
I’ve been the friend who people make plans with and then cancel because they forgot or because something better came along, and I don’t know which is worse…
But I refuse to be the friend who remains unseen, when I go to great lengths to make sure I see everyone else. I refuse to be the friend whose opinions don’t matter, who will listen to your thoughts and feelings but never gets asked about her own. And I refuse to be the friend who always tries to be a better one to anyone who doesn’t try to do the same.
I’m looking for a forever friend. Someone I can evolve with, who can see who I am, who I’ve been, and who I want to be. I’m looking for a friend who feels like family. Someone who shares my values and morals, even if we disagree on certain ideas. And I’m looking for a friend who will stay a friend, no matter what obstacles threaten to tear us apart.
But I know that in order to have that friend, I need to be that friend—so I’ll start by being a better friend to myself. I promise that I will speak up in conversations and I will only clap when it is due. I promise that I won’t choose comfort over honesty and that I’ll use my conscience as much as I use my heart. And I promise that I won’t be long where I don’t belong and I’ll only show up where I am wanted.
I deserve the kind of friend that I am looking for, and I deserve to have that kind of friend in myself.