Alexander Wendt

It’s Time To Admit To Yourself That You Never Really Moved On

There’s always that relationship or situationship that ends up being toxic or where one person wants something that the other doesn’t—or that just doesn’t seem to be working anymore. So, you decide to go your separate ways, whether it’s what you or they really want or not.

So, you move on.

Or so you think.  You discover that you can be really happy without them and with someone else. This someone else doesn’t fight with you.  They don’t make you feel insecure.  They don’t make you question whether or not you’re good enough.  They don’t leave you wondering what they’re doing or who they’re with.  They’re clear about their intentions. They’re clear on what they want and what they don’t want.  They adore you.  They respect you.  They want to spend their time with you.  They’re there when you need them.  You’ve found what you’ve been looking for.

But there’s still that thought at night.

There’s still that one thought you have before you go to sleep.  It’s them.  It’s what helps you rest easy at night.  It’s the thought of their hands on you.  It’s the thought of their lips on yours.  It’s the thought of them biting your lip just to make you smile.  It’s the thought of standing in the shower with them and the water hitting their face that makes you melt.  It’s the thought of ordering a late-night pizza and them grabbing it through their bedroom window.  It’s them.  They’re still there.

So, you struggle.

You have this inner struggle between your head and your heart once again.  You know in your head that they’re probably in the exact same place as they were three years ago.  You know that they probably don’t see a future with you.  You know that they’re the only one who knows their way around your body like they do.  But yet, you can’t help what your heart wants.  Your heart yearns for them.  You know they care about you.  You know they have feelings for you.  You know they may even slightly love you, but in the only way that they know how.

You discover that this person that you’ve gone back and forth with for three years, this person that you loved and hated, this person that is always there and you always manage to find yourself both in their bed and in their arms, is still in your heart.  This person that you’ve told yourself you’re done with.  This person that you’ve had a whole-ass relationship with, but it was never actually a relationship.  This person that you’ve done and said terrible things too.  This person that you’ve helped even when they didn’t deserve it.  This person who called you when their world was falling apart and you went running.  This person is still in your heart.

For all the times that you’ve tried to walk away.  For all the times that they tried to walk away.  It’s time for both of you to realize that it ain’t really over.