Sometimes, having history with someone can be toxic. How many times have you caught yourself saying, “Well, we have history,” and using it as an excuse to ignore your feelings or the red flags that manifest within a friendship or romantic relationship? While history with another person can be cherished and extremely valuable, it shouldn’t be the only variable keeping the relationship afloat.
It’s like society has conditioned us to honor history and time spent instead of honoring the needs of the present version of ourselves or the futures we hope to someday manifest. Somehow, we’re supposed to value childhood memories over adult expectations. We’re supposed to value the honeymoon phase over current reality, all of which is completely absurd and unrealistic. There seems to be this toxic belief that respecting history more than ourselves translates to loyalty, which can only be measured by how much we are willing to neglect our own basic needs and intuition for the benefit of others. We need to stop glorifying the idea of having history with someone and using it as an excuse to continue tolerating that which no longer serves us.
Just because you have history with someone doesn’t guarantee them a spot in your future without putting in adequate effort and reciprocating the energy that you are putting into the friendship or relationship. Having history doesn’t entitle them to a free ride in the passenger seat of your life. History isn’t a reason to lower your standards of who you choose to let in and keep beside you. If you fill your limited space with the wrong people, they will weigh you down. You will remain stagnant instead of moving forward towards your goals. The truth is, sometimes the history that you have with someone turns out to be nothing more than time wasted. What could possibly be heavier than that? History weighs more than the present, but the future is as light as a feather. There is nothing honorable about carrying dead weight around with you. Let them go.