You don’t want to find yourself trapped in a relationship where you’re always on alert. You don’t want your alarm bells to go off whenever your person leaves the house without you, whenever they take a minute too long to text back, whenever they tell you a story about their day. If you can’t trust your person to be one hundred percent honest with you, then maybe you aren’t meant to be with that person. Maybe you need to find someone who is incapable of looking you in the eyes and lying to you.
Your partner should make you feel secure. There shouldn’t be any doubt in your mind about whether their feelings for you are real or whether they are planning to stay in the relationship for the long haul. This person should express their love for you through their actions, and their loyalty, not only through their words. When they make a promise, they should follow through on it. No exceptions. No excuses.
You’re never going to make a relationship without trust work. Of course, you need to pay attention to where those trust issues stem from. If an ex cheated on you and you’re always on high alert because of the bullshit you’ve been through in the past, that’s something you can work toward changing. You can establish open communication with your partner, so you feel more comfortable with them, so your doubts slowly start to fade.
But if their behavior is the whole reason why you’re worried, if they are too flirtatious for your taste and you keep catching them in ridiculous lies, there’s a problem. If you’re in a serious, monogamous relationship, your person should only want you. They shouldn’t be hung up on their exes. They shouldn’t be crossing boundaries with their friends. They shouldn’t be making you feel insecure about your worth, your beauty, or the stability of your relationship.
It doesn’t matter whether you catch your partner cheating. If they make you feel like they could cheat at any moment, if you’re constantly expecting them to walk away and abandon you, then something needs to change. Maybe you can sit down and come to a compromise. Or maybe you need to leave. Either way, you don’t want to remain in a relationship where you’re extra insecure, extra uncertain, extra paranoid.
The right person will reassure you that they are head over heels for you. They’ll make it clear that they’re interested in you and only you. They’ll tell you the truth, even when it’s hard to hear, and they won’t keep any secrets from you. You will never have to doubt what they’re saying. You will never have to wonder whether you’re getting the whole story.
Love someone loyal because staying faithful is the bare minimum your partner should do for you. Love someone loyal because giving out more and more chances to a cheater is not worth the stress. Love someone loyal because you don’t deserve the pain of feeling like you’re second best.