Why Men Love ‘Mean’ Women And Other Secrets They Don’t Want You To Know

There are three shocking secrets most men in the dating world don’t want you to know.

They love and get obsessed with “mean” women. They take advantage of the “nice girls.”

You may think being a pick-me woman and being overly nice and spoiling a man will win him over, but the truth is that men get addicted to chasing women who reject them. They want validation and approval from the woman who doesn’t give this to them that easily. Deep down they get turned on by a woman with high standards, airtight boundaries, and a woman who doesn’t think they’re shit. They get a hard-on for a woman who is hard to please. They may complain about these women and deny it with fury all they want, but all you have to do is observe how they exploit and use the women who bend over backwards for them and bend the knee for the women who put them in their place. These women value themselves, take pride in themselves, and never sacrifice their self-respect settling for crumbs.

Toxic men especially take for granted the women who care about them because they believe you’ll always be around; they pursue and compete for the women who date other men and laugh in their faces. If you don’t believe me, look at any chat history of a man you have ever ignored – they’ll be double texting and triple texting you trying to regain your attention and fearing that you’ve moved on. This isn’t to say you should be mean to anyone – it’s just to remind you that you need to stop wasting all that effort centering men. Don’t spoil him, don’t talk to him, and don’t entertain him unless he’s benefiting you. Be authentically so “into” your life that you are no longer into any man who doesn’t go out of his way to please you. Chances are, he’s busy chasing a woman who gives no fucks. Now get busy chasing your dream life and only settle for a dream partner who will treat you right.

Men can and will spend money on the things that matter to them. Don’t waste time with a man who’s not generous or romantic.

If he’s not taking you out to nice and meaningful dates, or being thoughtful about what you would like, he’s not valuing you the way you deserve to be valued. “But I am a feminist and can hold my own!” you might say.  A real feminist knows the world hasn’t achieved equality yet, so trying to impose “equality” on unequal circumstances only leads to more adversity for you. With all the burdens, inequality, and safety issues women confront even going on a date with a man who might assault or murder her, why should you settle for less? A woman who is used to being taken out and properly “courted” will feel a natural “ick” toward any man who approaches her and doesn’t have some sort of solid and romantic date plan. Some women may think that going 50-50 is “equality,” but a man who’s okay with not impressing you from the beginning isn’t going to try to impress you down the road either.

Set the standard early on for how you want to be treated and deserve to be treated. At the very least, even if the man turns out to be toxic, you’re not going to be wasting your time and resources on someone who can’t even meet the bare minimum. I’ve known men who have taken me out to fancy romantic restaurants who I found out later took other women to free museums or “walk” dates because they felt they could get away with it with those women (what the f*ck even is a walk date? Get a dog). One of these sordid players called me his “favorite.” Cue major ick. But that kind of scenario opens your eyes to how men know very well how to treat a woman right – some just choose not to do so at all, or only do it for certain women. Remember: some men date multiple women at a time and will be looking for a way to do it cheaply with women they’re not serious about or who they feel they can get away with treating worse – don’t ever be that woman. Don’t ever settle for coffee dates when there’s a high-quality man out there who can’t wait to spoil you. Many women are getting spoiled every day by their partner with amazing dates, gifts, lavish vacations, romantic gestures – you deserve nothing less. If you’re afraid of being called “materialistic,” ask yourself why you feel you don’t deserve to be impressed by the man who supposedly loves you. 

Most men in the dating pool are looking to waste your time. So make sure the time you spend on them will be worth it and don’t spend time on people who aren’t worth it.  

The best way to ward off a covert f*ckboy? When he inevitably tells you his love language is physical touch, smile, giggle, bat your eyelashes and tell him your love language is money. Then, measure his running speed as he flees. Consider this: too many men in the dating world are just hoping to use you for sex and will waste your time, while accusing you of wasting theirs if you don’t have sex with them. So why do you feel badly about ensuring they invest in you while they’re potentially wasting your time? Men will expect sex regardless of whether or not they take you out to dinner and whether they spend time getting to know you. So, if you’re unsure of someone’s true intentions, you might as well make sure the dates they take you on and the conversations you have are actually worth your time.

The message you will send to the toxic men in the dating world will be clear through your actions: I do not accept less. If you’re trying to play me, you’ll be wasting your own time on your dime while I evaluate you. Raise your standards and don’t allow toxic people in the dating world make you settle for less than the bare minimum. There are high-quality men out there who will show their genuine interest consistently – if you’re not dealing with one, protect your singlehood and freedom. Find a man with a genuine provider mindset you’re both physically and emotionally attracted to (yes, women are allowed to date hot, physically attractive men without being called “shallow” – if you don’t think so, that’s because the media has brainwashed you into believing in double standards). Men “protect” their freedom all the time. They explore their options. They prioritize their own happiness in dating. They opt out quickly out of situations that don’t meet their own needs and interests. They look for their physical and emotional “type” to mate with. So should you.