My First 13 Impressions From Watching The Kardashians

The Kardashian family has a new show on Hulu called The Kardashians, which had their first season after 20 seasons as Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The first full episode I watched was The Kardashians Season 1, Episode 8—Never Go Against the Family. It aired June 2nd, 2022. There have been memes going around the internet if you’ve never seen an episode of the show. Then, I saw an article about how a lady got into the series for the first time recently. When I mentioned to my dad I was thinking of getting a Hulu subscription to watch the show, he said, “Kim Kardashian makes a Barbie doll look folksy.” Well, I had to find out for myself. Here are my first 13 impressions of the show, scene by scene. Sorry I can’t follow the names. They all start with “K.” And I don’t really want a dissertation in The Kardashians or anything. I’m just a quirky writer.

1. In the first few minutes, I can’t really tell if people are being nice to each other or mean to each other! They compliment the mom and tell her she looks cute. Somebody says she’s going to buy them all steamers. But the mom doesn’t tell anybody else that they look cute as well. And somebody says they don’t want a steamer. Are either of these things rude? Are the ladies keeping it real for a reality show? Their tone of voice is really hard to understand. It’s flat. Is that sarcasm without inflection? Or sincerity without inflection? Honestly, I think it’s meanness every time. But a flat voice doesn’t have to be mean.

2. In walks the first guy. I found out a few minutes later that his name is Scott. He seemingly speaks in the same Kardashian family accent, but as a socially intelligent person myself, it is totally apparent to me that his flatness of tone takes on a totally different meaning. His flatness deliberately conveys a feeling that he is totally unengaged and emotionally unattached to whatever is going on in that room. He’s not going to do anything from his heart for her, because she’s one of the mean girls. I didn’t catch his relationship to the blonde.

3. Everybody has a working out persona, and Kim’s seems to be Carrie Bradshaw. That’s fine, I guess, but also Carrie Bradshaw isn’t a mom. There’s really only room in the world for one Carrie Bradshaw. Kim’s longing to be more Sex And The City is like Kim’s fans longing to be like her. As they say in something I’m much more well acquainted with, the 1994 version of Little Women, “​​My compositions are like your paintings. Mediocre copies of another man’s genius.”

4. They’re finally talking about the kids. Are they good parents? I’m not a parent, so it’s really not my place to say. I figured the kids would be in the show earlier. Especially with one of them talking about wanting a baby so much. I was thinking, what about the babies that are already there? It must be hard for them all to be on the show.

5. So the mom fell for a MasterClass scam job. No comment.

6. Apparently Kim is going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated? Immediately I thought, does she play any sports? I did notice a huge supply of basketballs at some point. I don’t count working out as a sport, or owning a lot of basketballs. Doesn’t the game require just one to play?

7. Kim doesn’t strike me as somebody who’s very socially intelligent. But maybe she knows a few mean girl rules. I think she’s very mean-girl-9th-grade, in a world where women are very mean-girl-6th-grade. She knows a little about how to make women feel jealous about Pete Davidson in an atmosphere where they’re forced to say that they’re happy for her. She knows how to say that she’s happy and supply the appropriate, original, and yet relatable details to support it. However, if she were really 40-something mature, she would be a lot warmer, I think. She would attract everybody in the room to like her because she makes them feel good, not because she is somebody to be associated with.

8. It’s nice that these women are trying their hands at professionalism! Yes, I am aware that they have a lot of merchandise associated with their brands. That’s part of building an empire these days. I haven’t tried anything, so I really can’t say. I thought the Kylie makeup was overpriced, so I “made” my own high shine lip gloss. The Kardashians’ unmentionable candle is $75. I do have two hilarious Jersey Shore t-shirts, Pauly D hair gel, and Snooki eyeshadow, actually. But Jersey Shore so far is completely different from The Kardashians. To people who don’t like reality shows, they think they’re all the same. I do actually like reality TV, so when I am a skeptic so far of the value of The Kardashians and find it majorly cringe, know that I am one of those people who thinks reality shows aren’t created equal, but aren’t necessarily bad a priori.

9. So the mom’s in the tub taking a bubble bath now. Honestly, this show tries to be sexy every second. Personally I’d say that there are other good feelings in life, like love, humor, acceptance, fun, social intelligence, understanding, growth, and more. Trying to be sexy, or doing any one of these things every second, ends up coming out desperate. All of these other things, when done well, end up being very sexy, though. It’s not all about the eyelashes. And personally, as a Jewish camp girl, I always feel like people’s attractiveness is half looks, half personality.

10. It’s strange to me that the mom is saying during her MasterClass that you should connect with the audience. While writing about their professional ventures, I was mulling over the extent to which the ladies are professional for a reality show. Honestly, I think TV in general is designed overall to be a heartening, uplifting experience. I don’t feel that from this show at all. But that’s how you make a true connection with an audience.

11. As for random thoughts, I really dig the neturals. I’m kind of an embrace-many-trends girl, so I don’t know if I’d get sick of wearing neutrals all the time. It seems almost like that’s what people dislike about working at a traditional office job. There’s a lot of spandex on this show as well, which is probably TV friendly in a way, but for me, I wear one day at a time until I get uncomfortable and need to switch it up. The makeup style is also immersively consistent, which I appreciate in a way, but also I could only wear my favorite makeup for a few days in a row before I have to switch it up. Are they hot? I assume they’re not 10s for LA.

12. Pete sounds really impressed with her plane. Is that the first time we hear him? “Whoa!” It’s the most voice inflection I’ve heard on the show thus far, and yet there’s flatness of emotion. He should win an Emmy for this show.

13. Overall, I think a good comparison to The Kardashian is indeed Little Women. There are all the female sisters and involved mom allegory who have a lot of time together. And they all kind of seem mean, and yet we root for them and especially root for the protagonist. But is Kim Kardashian anything like Jo March? Is she reading to a senior relative, is she moving to a new city alone to try to become one of the first female writers of her time, is she opening a school for anybody who wants to learn? Sure, she’s on the cover of Vogue and Sports Illustrated and such. Yes, she’s building an empire. But long-term sustainability I think comes with a good heart, like is the case with Jo March. Kim’s term so far is the middle term.