The biggest lesson that I have learned throughout my lifetime is this: Not everyone is for you, and you will not be for everyone. Gone are the days of simply being children on the playground, asking someone if they want to play. I was never that child. I was shy (still am to some degree), I had my friends, and I stuck with them. As I got older, though, and when I met someone new, if things didn’t go so well, I would often ask myself, “Why don’t they want to be my friend?” or, “Why don’t they like me?” The anxiety of it all would get to the point where I would find myself upset and angry, so much so that I would be in tears over it. It has only been within the past few years that I have gotten to a point where the lesson started to make sense.
There is also something to be said about when a friendship doesn’t work anymore or turns toxic. Five years ago to the day, I ended a five-plus-year friendship with a girl from my dance studio because it went from ghillies (Irish dance style of dance shoe) and laughter to toxicity in a heartbeat. I was always walking on eggshells around her, and I just found myself constantly anxious. Fast forward to now and I know that the decision I made was the right choice, even if I do still miss her. Even more recently, a friendship I had with a girl from my undergrad (and beginning of grad school) began to fade once I moved to the same city as her for grad school (she got in a year ahead of me). Of course, it hurts when you must let people go who you’ve been friends with for so many years. It’s never easy. But it also helps you grow too, because in life, you’re going to be in situations with people where you will have a good connection for days, months, or even years, but then the Universe or God (whomever you believe in) will come and a feeling will emerge where the energy is just off and you will then be forced to let go of the situation and move on.
I’ve found personally that as hard as it is, learning how to deal with people is more beneficial as we get older. There have been people I have met in my life that I have gotten along excellent with; on the other hand, there have also been people I have met in my life who I did not like or who didn’t like me. I cannot give you an explanation why, because I have no answer, nor do I think that this warrants one. There are times in life where you meet people and you do not vibe, which is perfectly okay. Because at the end of the day, you are going to find your tribe and learn who you do get along with. So, don’t let one tiny moment in time render you to the point of you being frozen forever. Remember, you will find your tribe, and once you do, you will be, as Jane Austen says, incredibly and incandescently happy.