30 Men Discuss The Things That All Men Do But Never Admit To Doing

1. I Was Just Resting My Eyes

Idk why but whenever I start falling asleep and someone calls me out on it, its always my first instinct to deny it. I will be asleep on my couch and my gf will be like “are you sleeping?” 100 times and have to shake me awake and I’ll be like “I’ve been awake the whole time.” Edit: glad I’m not the only one lmao


2. Ignoring Health Issues

Wonder if they should go to the doctor, then convince themselves they don’t need to.

EDIT: I went in – turns out I had testicular cancer. Don’t put it off.


3. Let’s Hug It Out

Wanting platonic touch (i.e. hugs).


4. Just Shut Up

Getting called by someone while you’re jerking off and just saying whatever you can to get them to shut up.


5. Shower Splashes

Catching water in our arms in the shower and then letting splash the the ground.


6. Wet Drip

Getting annoyed when you put your dick back in your pants after a pee and suddenly feeling a wet drip on your leg.


7. Ignoring the Signs

Pick up signs but not act on them for to the fear of misinterpreting. And then act oblivious.


8. Not All Heroes Wear Capes

Fantasize/Day Dream about being a hero or making a great sacrifice to save everyone.


9. Collecting Things

Finding a really cool rock on the ground, then taking it with us.


10. Not Willing To Admit It

Well that’s something I’m not willing to admit.


11. Men Need Love Too

Wanting affirmation from their partners that they are sexy and desired.


12. Digging For Gold

There are two kinds of man: a man who picks his nose, and a man who lies about picking his nose.


13. Fantasize

Fantasize completely made up scenarios where we ‘save the day’ or win the girl over, etc.


14. Duh Moments

Realizing that someone was flirting with you like 5 years late.


15. Butt Grabber

Grabbed their own butt to see what it feels like.


16. Tactical Wank

When you get older, a tactical wank is waiting a really long time between wanks so you can save that dick energy for your partner.


17. Long Showers

Take longer than normal showers just standing there under the hot water because no one will love you.


18. Reliving Convos

Go over every little minute detail in their heads of the conversation they had with someone they are even a little bit attracted to.


19. The Luxury of Love

Tell ourselves that having someone who loves us is a luxury.


20. Remembering Compliments

About 12 years ago one of mate’s wives (girlfriend at the time) told me that I had “nice toes”.

To this day, I occasionally look down at my bare feet and think “yeah Laura, I do. I do have nice toes.”


21. Wanting a Hug

Wanting a hug real bad.


22. Shaving For No Real Reason

Shaving your pubes at 14 even though no one is gonna see it ever.


23. Not Seeing the Obvious

Realizing like ten years later that that one girl you were hanging out with was 100% saying she was dtf and we are fucking idiots for not realizing.


24. Bullseye

Pee on shit stains in the toilet bowl, efficiency.


25. Helicopter, Helicopter

While naked. Rotate your hips fast enough to make a fun slapping noise.


26. Can’t Be Too Prepared

Always wash our dicks very thoroughly cause you just never know when you’re gonna get your dick sucked. Even if the odds are low, they’re never 0.


27. Dog Broadway

Put on a show for your dog. Sing a show tune and do a little soft shoe. Then give it a big ending and pause for applause while your dog looks at you and slow blinks.


28. Using The Scale After A Good Poop

If there’s a scale in the bathroom, we’re gonna weigh ourselves before and after a good poop.


29. Shifting Things

Put their hand in their pocket to adjust a boner or their balls when they’re stuck to their leg.


30. Letting The Tears Flow

Crying in the car after having the worst fucking day and then showing up wherever and acting like we’re totally fine.