When exiting a relationship, whether by our choice or theirs or the inevitable ghosting that comes with modern dating, we find ourselves generally asking one singular question over and over: Was I enough?
Those three words, though probably not the original three words we were hoping to ask in that scenario, will haunt us on a daily basis.
Was I enough? Did I do enough? Did I say the wrong thing that one time at dinner three weeks ago? Do they hate how I brush my teeth? Is it because I snore in my sleep?
Asking ourselves these questions, and many others like them, leads to a spiral of shame and doubt and disbelief about our own character. It’s not healthy, it’s not helpful, and frankly it’s just not relevant.
Have we ever considered within the vast expanses of our own egos that perhaps that person just didn’t like us that much?
I know it sucks to realize that though you let someone see you, and maybe for the first time in a long time, they really didn’t connect with what they saw. They took a good long look and decided to pass.
Ultimately, they just didn’t like you that much.
And how can we blame someone for that? It’s not as if we haven’t passed on other people before. How can we be upset at someone for doing what we’ve done to others time and time again? That doesn’t mean it’s not going to sting, and sometimes that pain will last for a while, but it does mean that we have to accept the reality that it happened.
Somebody saw you, really truly saw you, and didn’t want it. And that is okay. It’s not your fault, it’s not their fault, it just is.
And I get it, it’s an exhausting cycle of pass and be passed on, of ‘maybe not you, but the next one.’ It’s enough to make anybody want to give up.
But I encourage you not to. I encourage you to take a look, when something is coming to a close, at the real reason why. Don’t write wild narratives in your head about it, don’t make the person out to be some villain that they just aren’t, and don’t catch yourself in an endless loop of questions without answers.
Just remind yourself that it’s really okay they weren’t that into you. It’s really okay for someone to have an opinion of you that’s a little less than savory. I guarantee there are many, many people in your life that do not share that sentiment. This person not wanting something with you in a romantic way will more than likely not have a large effect on your life as a whole.
It’s okay if someone doesn’t like you that much. It’s okay if you don’t like someone that much. As long as you’re honest with them and are more honest with yourself, you’ll make it out alive.