Read This If Your Partner’s Past Relationships Bother You

Being with someone is not only about the present. We all wish that we could just focus on the moment and nothing else, but more often than not, we all have scars that we couldn’t properly heal from just yet. Because if we’re being brutally honest, some stories you just don’t forget.

And sometimes—too many times, actually—exes arise just when we thought they wouldn’t. Unsurprisingly so, because if we actually take some time to think this through, it’s completely understandable that when you end a chapter of a book and declare it closed and done, the other person might be still reading it.

So if an ex has been lurking, trying to gather as many pieces as she can about your relationship, you get it, you do. After all, who’s a stranger to online stalking these days, right?

Admittedly, it’s also alright to admit that you also haven’t been really a mature person over the matter. After all, how could you not be jealous?

Some doubts you never thought could surface are now a constant reminder that you might actually not be good enough. That someone else might have been loved better than you do.

So what if you’re the one in the relationship? It could still go sideways and you could always be wrong about someone else’s feelings.

You truly, truly understand what an ex could be going through and respect that. But you’d be lying if you said that your heart went out to her every time she tried to reach him out again and again. Because to him, it’s easily dismissed as nothing huge, because hello, men are raised to be chased, aren’t they? To some men, your ego is your amigo.

As to you, knowing exactly where she’s coming from, you get so frustrated. You get hurt for yourself and you get hurt for her. Man, you even wish that you could level up to her in terms of being so consistent when loving someone and trying to bring them back to my life in any possible way that you can grasp. If there’s anything to be admired here, it’s that.

As for her, you have to admit that it does take a lot of vulnerability to go back to a place that hurt you badly and try to fix it, even after it’s over.

But you have to try and remember to be grateful knowing that someone out there still cares so much about someone you’re so fond of. Not that you need it, but it validates that the person you’re in love with has something worth fighting for, and you’re not the only one that got lucky enough to see it.

And in a different world, a different reality, even if this was a cheesy romance, you’d be rooting for them—you really would. Even because, at some point, you realize that she is not your enemy at all, and as a matter of fact, you don’t even hate her. But in this timeline, things were meant to be different. At the end of the day, it all goes down to you both just not wanting to be hurt anymore.

And if we’re being a bit harsher than that: you want her to move on. Especially because you know what it feels like to have a huge hole in your heart after putting yourself on the line for someone else.

So, knowing all that, it’s okay to admit that someone before you had a special story with the person that you’re now in love with. It’s also okay to comprehend that some people move on in different paces and need different closures.

I guess that what I’m trying to say is: give yourself time to heal and to recognize that somebody else’s pain, though aimed at you, isn’t always about you. Learn to let it go, learn to trust the relationship you’re in, and let the rest fade out. Sooner than later, you’ll realize that your path with the person you love is yours and yours only.