Read This If You’re Going Through A Difficult Break Up

Dear Human,

First things first, I want to say thank you. Thank you, because you are a living, breathing, messy human, and that is absolutely beautiful. Thank you, because if you’re here, you’re probably hurting, and that also means you’re not numbing yourself. The world needs more people like you. The world needs more people who feel it all.

Feel the good.

Feel the bad.

Feel the happy.

Feel the sad.

Feel the hope.

Feel the disappointment.

Feel the love.

Feel the hate.

Yeah, I really do mean that last one too. Feel the hate. It’s okay if you hate them right now. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. You’re too alive to be indifferent. You’ll forgive them one day, but it’s perfectly okay if one day is not today.

I also want to let you know that it doesn’t last forever. This feeling you have, this ache in your chest and body, and that knot in your throat will go away.

I’m going to be purely logical for a second. I know that right now you can’t separate your feelings from the facts, and that’s okay, but I’m here to do that for you. There is overwhelming evidence from the science of attachment that tells us that when we become attached to someone, we become one physiological unit with them. This means that our partners actually regulate our blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and even levels of certain hormones in our blood. We inevitably become one biological unit with our partners. From this perspective, this emptiness you feel without them, what we may call “dependency”, is not a choice, not a preference, and most certainly not something you should feel bad about.

Try to remember that right now, your brain is literally in survival mode. It is reacting in the same way it would as if it were withdrawing from a highly addictive substance. You were on a high like no other, and right now, you have to be patient with yourself and with your body as it remembers that no matter how much it feels like you need them to survive, you actually don’t.

I’ve learned that sometimes the scariest part about a break up isn’t even being without that specific person. I think that often, the hardest part about a break up is remembering that there was a living, breathing you before them.

On that note, you’re also a real badass and you should be really proud of yourself. To love is to open our hearts and to open our hearts is to run the risk of being hurt.

What a noble and honest thing, to make yourself vulnerable for the chance to give and receive life’s most precious gift: love.

Okay, I have something else really important to tell you.

You know that super cliche quote that says “You were beautiful before he told you so”? Well yeah, that’s really true. You might have this thought, feeling, and fear that you will never love someone the way you loved them again. But I want you to remember this:

Your capacity to love them didn’t come from them. All they did was give you a place to express the love that was already, and still is, inside you.

You will love again. I promise you.

Sincerely,

A Fellow Human