At times, you do not know how to put a name to it. This sadness seems to suffocate you day to day. Your mood seems to ebb and flow, but there never seems to be a trigger for the change. You face the world with a brave face. However, internally you are struggling. You keep your feelings a secret, because deep down you are ashamed that you do not feel “okay”. You tell yourself that you have no reason to feel sad and that you need to force yourself to be happy. So you go on hoping that you can fake it until you make it.
Your depression varies from day to day. There are days that you feel like you can conquer the world and nothing can stop you. You are on a high, and those are the days that you forget that your depression even exists. However, there are times when your mood quickly shifts. Getting out of bed seems so difficult. Some might call you lazy, but if they only knew the mental warfare that was going on in your brain. Daily tasks seem so arduous. You grin and bear it because that is the easiest thing that you can do. Your depression looks like being in a room full of people smiling and laughing, but inside you feel empty. The emptiness is deafening and you feel all alone. You wonder what is wrong with you and why can’t you just feel “normal”. There are days that isolation is the only thing that you would like to do. So you take time away from your loved ones.
There is nothing wrong with you, although you may feel like it. You wonder why you can’t just be happy like everyone else. Social media would have you believe that you are the only person going through these feelings. What if I told you that you are not alone? What if I told you that these feelings are more common than you think? That there are people who you are surrounded by who are going through the exact thing. I am telling you this not to minimize your feelings, but to let you know that I see you. I see you even though you may feel that your feelings are not valid. You are seen even though you have gone through life feeling worthless.
I want you to take the time to feel all your emotions. Combat your depression with grace. Whether that means you want to stay in bed all day or take a day to be with yourself and your thoughts. You deserve that time. You deserve your kindness and you deserve your love. You deserved to be handled with care, even if it means doing it yourself.