Sometimes, your partner is going to make mistakes. Just because they hurt you once doesn’t mean they’re going to hurt you again. However, there’s a chance that history will repeat itself. Here are a few signs that they’re probably going to make the same mistakes again, so you should be careful:
They give you a blanket apology instead of mentioning specifics. This means that they’re saying what they think you want to hear. They’re apologizing because they think it will diffuse the situation and calm you down – but they don’t actually understand what they’re apologizing for. They don’t understand exactly what they did wrong or why it caused you to get so upset. They just want to get back on your good side, so they spit out what they think will end the fight as soon as possible.
They focus more on making it up to you than on changing their behavior. Although it’s sweet of them to buy you jewelry and flowers to make up for their mistake, the real treat would be correcting their behavior. If they try to distract you with gifts to make you happy again, while completely ignoring what made you upset in the first place, then their heart might be in the right place, but they’re taking the easy route by buying your affection instead of doing the hard work to change.
They don’t take responsibility for the role they played in the argument. An apology is the least that they can do. If they don’t think that they’ve done anything wrong, then nothing is stopping them from making the same mistake again. Someone who turns the situation around on you and tries to make you out to be the bad guy isn’t interested in learning and growing. They’re only interested in getting away with their behavior, which means they’re bound to repeat it.
They refuse to have a conversation about the issue. If they try to sweep things under the rug and move on without having a real conversation or admitting that they made a mistake, then the conflict hasn’t been solved. It’s simply been ignored for the time being. The problem is going to pop up again in the future if you don’t deal with it now. Ignoring it is only going to save you trouble in the short term, but it’s going to cause trouble in the long term.
They’re acting like you’re overreacting. If they feel like your emotions are unfair, then there’s a chance they aren’t going to do anything differently in the future. There’s a chance they’re going to think they can get away with it again because it’s not that big of a deal in the first place. You need a partner who respects your emotions, even if they don’t fully understand where you’re coming from. You need someone who at least listens.
This isn’t the first time you’ve had this exact issue. If they’ve already proven that they break their promises, then why would you believe their next promise? Once their bad behavior becomes a pattern, you should ask yourself why you’ve been putting up with their treatment of you. If you’ve already voiced your complaints and they still aren’t doing anything differently, then it might be time to leave.