The great thing about his access to you is that you can revoke it as you see fit. Here are tell-tale signs it’s time to do just that.
He doesn’t respect your time.
If he’s constantly running behind, responding to your texts far later than is appropriate, or keeps you hanging about whether or not he’s available for plans until the very last minute, this is disrespect and shows he doesn’t value your time. He looks at you as an option, not his choice. You need to take your power back and stop being available when it’s convenient for him. Access to your time is a privilege. He should treat it like one.
You’re the only one initiating pretty much anything.
You’re the sole planner. You start every single text conversation. Essentially, if it wasn’t for your effort and commitment to seeing and talking to him, you probably wouldn’t hear from him or see him again for a long time. You don’t want a one-sided relationship. You deserve someone who is as interested in you as you are in them.
He creates the illusion of emotional intimacy by treating you like a dumping ground for his feelings.
At first, his ability to tell you what he’s feeling was a turn-on. In sharing his emotions, you drew the conclusion that he was in touch with his feelings and also trusted you with them. You interpreted it as vulnerability and became emotionally invested in him as a result.
But now you’re starting to notice that it’s never your turn to have a bad day or to get advice or support. Instead, he gives generic responses to your individual issues. He seems distracted when you tell him something personal about your own emotional state. Don’t put up with it. Revoke his access.
When you’re honest with yourself, you realize he’s only giving you the bare minimum.
He does the absolute least to keep you around. He doesn’t nurture you or the relationship. He doesn’t do anything particularly romantic or behave in a way that lets you know he appreciates you. When you ask for more from him, he acts like you’re overreacting or cites the fact that he’s doing enough by sitting next to you on the couch for the 17th Saturday in a row and not making any effort at making conversation that doesn’t revolve around him. “I’m here, aren’t I?” He might say. It’s bullshit. Don’t fall for it.
You feel exhausted after spending time with him.
While you may have fun while you’re with him or become excited before seeing him, you notice you’re totally drained after you spend time with him. Usually, this is the most telling sign that someone isn’t right for you. It’s not always about how you feel when you’re with them. It’s how you feel afterward when you’re not. Pay attention. Adjust accordingly.