Signs You Might Be His Placeholder, Not ‘The One’

A “placeholder” is the person someone dates but never truly commits to long-term. They are considered to be someone’s “good for now, not forever.” Here are signs that you might be his placeholder.

He was fresh out of a relationship when you started dating

This isn’t always the case, but if he had just gone through a brutal breakup and jumped into something with you quickly thereafter, this might be a sign he’s looking for a rebound and not the real thing. Proceed with caution.

He’s not looking for “anything serious” but “totally loves where we’re at”

Essentially, he doesn’t lock it down with you officially. He may date you exclusively but will never call you his girlfriend. He reassures you that he’s having fun and want things to continue as they are. And, yes, this could very well be true. But the other side of that truth is that he likes things as they are, and only that. Basically, he wants access to you but with no strings attached.

You’re not entirely sure his friends or family know you exist

You don’t feel as though you’re part of his life because you’re not associated with the closest people to him. He doesn’t indicate you’ll ever meet them, either.

He doesn’t make future or concrete plans

Again, since he’s so focused on “the now,” he doesn’t seem to initiate conversations or plans about the future. Even getting him to commit to a Saturday night date leads to slow texts back or “I’ll have to let you know” as a response that lasts until Saturday mid-afternoon even though you asked him Wednesday morning. It almost feels like he’s waiting to see if something “better” comes up before he decides to see you and, to be honest, he probably is.

If people think you’re dating, he acts weird about it

He doesn’t deny it necessarily, but he doesn’t really confirm it either. If someone asks while you’re out together, he might say something like “I like her a lot, we’re having a good time.” This may be how he sees your role in his life in general: fun for now, not for the long-term.

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If you feel as though you may be the placeholder, you most likely are. Intuition never leads you astray. If you’re feeling like an afterthought and like someone he doesn’t value, try your best to move on. You deserve more than maybe. You deserve someone who is all in.