So, You Got Cheated On—Now What?

This is for all the people out there who are coping with a relationship that ended because your partner cheated and you can’t accept their apology.

1. My friends, block him/her/them!          

I cannot stress this step enough. You don’t want to see their ‘mind game’ posts while your pride is fragile and healing.  Someone who cheats does not respect you the way you deserve. It was not an accident. It was at best something they regretted immediately, but let’s not kid around. Someone who is in love with you would not willingly jeopardize your commitment to them. Someone who loves you would think twice before hurting you.      

2. Tell the ‘friends’ who feel inclined to share screenshots from your ex’s recent posts to resist the urge.

The whole point is that you don’t have to reopen the wound every damn day. When they’re caught cheating, it’s likely they will portray moving on, and it’ll show. You took your dignity with you when you left and you keep it by not tempting drama. 

3. Clue in some of your biggest supporters.

No, not that the fun party friend who’s going to suggest a rebound. Turn to the friends who have seen you ugly cry, give good advice, and know your go-to comfort foods. These are the humans who have your back regardless of how emotionally organized you are. 

When they show up to support you, be vocal about how appreciative you are to have them in your life. This will boost their ability to provide empathetic relief and give you some of that feel-good emotion you may have been lacking. 

4. Take care of your own emotional needs.

If you feel like you need to stay in bed and cry and watch sad movies, do it. If you feel like you want to only listen to sad music, go ahead, indulge your melancholy mood. If you want to eat sweet or salty treats more than usual, then proceed without guilt. To heal, you have to feel! So feel all the difficult emotions in your heart as early on as possible and while it chronologically makes sense. 

If you avoid the mourning period, trying to be a tough human, that sadness will bubble up later when you least expect it and when you are the least prepared to comfort yourself. 

5. Set a date, moment, or event to push yourself to become presentable and go out into the world.

If you have a hot outfit that you didn’t get wear yet, put that on. Go out of town and do an activity you love and bring some special people to join you! Set yourself up for success in your emergence by lining up activities you’re curious about and at a place your ex doesn’t frequent. This outing is to help train you to love yourself and lose the paranoia of looking over your shoulder. You are building back the belief you don’t care what they are up to. 

6. Use positive self-talk.

Honest and uplifting affirmations aide in speeding up the healing process. Affirm things like:

I am strong on my own.

I am an independent human who has all the love I need within myself.

I am brave enough to show up to life every day! 

7. Remind yourself that all the love, confidence, and validation you need to thrive is already inside you.