Sometimes A Messy Ending Is The Closure You Need

In a perfect world, the last conversation with someone you care about might involve respectful dialogue from both parties, the answering of questions to allow for clarity around a certain conflict or situation, and absolutely zero judgment from either side. Both people might explain how they felt without feeling overly emotional for doing so, and that door can be closed with as much closure as possible. There will be a lingering sadness at the end of the chapter, but there will be an air of warmth and understanding that surrounds them.

This might be what most would expect as a healthy final conversation. But not everyone is granted such a response.

Nobody wishes for a last conversation to be hurtful or callous. Nobody consciously creates a chaotic environment with the person they love. A lot of the times that a relationship ends on seemingly bad terms, whether it be a friendship of relationship, it is because of factors that are deep under the surface that have either built up over time or triggered a chain of events leading to one person distancing themselves: traumas or unspoken thoughts that were suppressed during the entirety of the time spent together, patterns from previous relationships, a breakdown of current circumstances leading to immense pressure that severs the connection.

We seek closure through an ending that is transparent, mature, and civil. And sometimes, we do achieve it. And it’s just as heartbreaking when it does end on good terms in a different way. It’s that feeling of ‘we tried and fought as hard as we could and it still wasn’t enough.’

But in some cases, that explosive, angry ending ensues. And it can get really ugly really quickly. You can find yourself in the firing line from another’s projections, and a lot of cruel things can be said in the heat of the moment that neither of you will forget. And this is the most heart-wrenching part of a breakup or a connection ending, because you wonder if those words were said with truth or in a moment of hurt to affect the other person.

A messy ending can create even more closure than one would think. If someone can be content with such an important relationship breaking apart knowing that the person that they seemingly love and loves them is aching from the pain, there is closure in that. If that person can leave without making the effort to ensure the other person speaks their mind and is left with answers to their questions, there is closure in that. A messy ending, depending on how brutal it is, shows a lot about both parties: which one is willing to stay and fight and which one is willing to give up at the drop of a hat. Which one apologizes when it goes too far and which one refuses to acknowledge their anger got the better of them.

Let the messy ending be the ultimate form of closure and a reminder that you deserve so much better. You deserve someone who can’t stand the thought of you suffering. You deserve someone who respects you enough to give you closure in a way that is free of malice and resentment. You deserve someone who means what they say when it comes down to the crunch and couldn’t live with themselves knowing you’re replaying every aspect of their conversation in your mind until your face swells.

You deserve a love that cares, even if circumstances show that you two can’t be together right now. Your closure should be in the way they let things end and the fact they just didn’t value you or your relationship enough to ensure that.