There is a whole world between when love begins and the start of it coming to an end. I believe real love can never be defined as “an end” because it transcends bad experiences, arguments, and broken truths. It is true that some types of love leave more pain than others do. Some are just straight-up confusing, and some feelings end so fast that there is not enough time to recall when attachment started to feel nice and not a burden.
One thing I have fixated on in relationships is romantic love and why it ends. I first read this phrase three years ago when I didn’t understand its intensity. Why does love have to end if it begins so committed to pleasure, comfort, and safety? In my present state of mind, it has significantly impacted the golden truth about individuals. We don’t always know what we want. I used to think finding someone to love would solve all my problems. That finding, or letting the right one see me for me, would sustain some void in my life. So, even after failed love attempts and understanding self-love, the phrase “love is meant to end” still didn’t make sense to me.
However, I realized the beginning of an end could be just that—the start of something that has endless possibilities. The end of every relationship can leave you in a different state of mind. It can leave you feeling high and dry, drained, detached, and hopeless. But it can also give you a much-needed perspective into who you are and an incentive to find your true inner purpose.
The end of a relationship can bring you an abundance of much-needed alone time, new friends, a new mindset, and the start of a journey with yourself that needs nurturing. So, in truth, the way you decide to let heartbreak unfold is how love ends, not how you feel the relationship ended. The end also foreshadows a great new beginning for you and only you in many ways. For this to happen, first you must stop thinking about your wrongdoings, shortcomings, and anything else that ties you to blame yourself. Sure, a relationship and its aftermath involve two people, but it doesn’t have to do with anyone else but you.
Once I stepped into this reality, things began to change rapidly. I was no longer a victim; I was getting better at life. I was facing my weaknesses and turning them into strengths. I was making myself my own best friend. I was soothing the wounds that opened up so quickly in relationships. It took me facing this truth to free me from the fear of the word “end.” It isn’t terrifying anymore; it’s empowering. To start over in love should be the only thing we don’t fear starting over in.
There was a time between two years and last year when I believed I was really in love. I still feel that experience taught me a lot about how to let someone go for me. That’s another big thing––you are only as “in love” as your oldest memory of “being in love” lets you be. The one memory that holds you shakes you up and doesn’t fight for release. It’s a memory someone gave you that was made from pure love and comfort, so it is okay if it stays a little longer than expected.
The best part about finding love is knowing you are open to receiving it and nothing else. You are open to emotions coming and emotions leaving. You need to accept that sometimes your heart does not know how to not care about someone who meant a lot to you. Some people in my life have and always will be loved more than others. I tend to notice that my brain wires my romantic experiences differently than others. It wires it from when I experienced it as the most authentic version of myself to when I was the least. That’s the honesty I never wrote to myself. I spend so much of my time writing theories explaining situations on how love works that I forget about myself. Where does love end for me? When do I cross the line and save love for myself?
That is when my understanding of that phrase became an entire written novel in my life story. Love is meant to end because the beginning of the greatest love begins and ends with you. It is the only space for self-discovery. Pain, letting go, and finding a new kind of peace rooted within you is the only kind of real love you will find when you leave a relationship that is not meant for you. It is a revolt against choosing someone else before you’ve picked yourself; it’s a complete 360. In the great words of Author Kristin Rivait, “Sometimes love is meant to end” for you, not because of you or someone else.
I feel I have lived enough lifetimes; I can finally say without remorse, without sadness, dread, or excruciating pain that sometimes love is supposed to end for the better. And yet, an end always brings you to find it anyways.