Anastasia Pavlova

Sometimes, Waiting For Her Really Means Letting Her Go

This one is for the guy that loves a girl who just can’t love a guy right now.

Congratulations! You’ve stumbled upon, met, found, discovered, and connected with the woman of your dreams. You know deep in your heart that you would do anything you’re capable of to have just one shot at a future with her. You envision falling asleep and waking up next to her being the best moments of every day. You have treated her with the respect she deserves. Been the example of loyalty her life has lacked. Poured out the human kindness that she has long thought didn’t exist. Shown the compassion that those before you have failed to show. But somehow, someway, she can’t bring herself into your arms the way you desire.

You know she’s worth it. You see something you’ve never seen. She has given you just enough reciprocation to believe in something. You’ve told her she is worth the wait. You have expressed all your feelings with transparency, leaving nothing for her to doubt. But she’s just not ready. You almost feel like she is pushing you away, and you don’t deserve that. You certainly don’t. But maybe, just maybe, that isn’t what she’s doing. When she isn’t ready for someone like you, it has nothing to do with you.

Someone else started the fire she is trying to put out. She is walking through it and trying not to get burned again.

She is trying so hard (with every part of her) not to bleed on the one that didn’t cut her. 

Don’t take my word for it. If any part of this resonates with you, it is up to you and you alone to decide if you believe in her. If you feel like all of her reasons are just excuses, then by all means, make your choice to walk away. But if you truly believe in her, if you told her you would wait, then wait with all the weight you can bear. Because it’s gonna get heavy. It’s gonna be confusing. It’s gonna test you. Don’t mistake that for HER testing you. Just understand that your mind will test you. 

But you told her you would wait… So, what now?

Let go. Let whatever power you believe in work, whether it’s your faith in God, your connection to the universe, or the trust you have in your own worth. It doesn’t matter. Just hold onto what makes you strong and makes you believe. She is not going to be loved into loving you. No amount of kindness, sweetness, or charm will heal her the way she deserves. You have no idea if you might be the man of her dreams. You can’t imagine the actual impact you have made on her because she simply can’t express that to you right now. Not because she doesn’t want to. She wants to with all her heart. She is incapable of processing her feelings, her gratitude, her dreams, her hopes, her desires, or her thoughts because her shell has to be cracked from the inside out and she doesn’t know where she left her hammer.

But you know right where it is. She dropped it when she was trying to crack the shell of the one who destroyed her. Because all that love that you give her, the love you desire, is requited. She was already giving that to someone else and it wasn’t enough for them. So she retreated. She took back what was hers and she started building her wall again.

Maybe your love is her new hammer, and once she picks it up and starts swinging it, her shell will crack and she will rise from her fall. She will be renewed. She will love herself again because she will know how much of a badass she really is. She will believe her like you have. She will see in herself what you see. She will feel worthy, deserving, and hopeful again. 

You believe that she will love you like you have never experienced. That she will be the one that shows you what your last love didn’t. You know she won’t give her heart away easily or casually, so you believe that when she does, it will be for real.

That’s what makes her so worth it. 

Waiting for the one you love takes a lot out of you. It requires so much giving without being able to see the results. She will never ask you to wait. She will never expect you to. She will feel guilt that you are missing out on some fascinating life while waiting for her. She will tell you over and over that you deserve so much better than her. She knows that’s not true, but someone else has tried to convince her of it. Her feeling that way is out of your control, so don’t dwell on it. Don’t even entertain it as truth.

Here’s a list of the people whose lives you control:


That’s the list

You determine what’s worth it and what’s not.

You want to be the rock she stands on through this time. Let your love be the sand that hardens under her feet. 

You want to be the pot of gold she hopes to find. Let your patience be the rainbow that she follows. 

You want to be the song that completes her dream playlist. Let your understanding be the lyrics. 

Sometimes waiting for her means letting her go.

Just leave your light on so she can find you in the dark.