Stop Pushing Away Your Feelings In Order To ‘Keep The Peace’
You don’t need to be the bigger person when being the bigger person means compromising your morals, thoughts, and beliefs. You don’t have to be polite in order to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. Staying quiet doesn’t change the fact that you feel uncomfortable. It only prevents the people around you from feeling the same level of discomfort – and why should their comfort matter more than your own? Why should they get away with behavior that makes you feel upset, enraged, or invalidated?
When someone hurts you, you shouldn’t stay quiet in order to avoid confrontation. You’re allowed to use your voice. Being encouraged to just to try get along is code for don’t stir up trouble. It’s a way of saying I don’t care about how you feel. I care about how you look. When others encourage you to keep quiet, they’re saying that they don’t want to deal with your feelings. They’re saying they don’t have time to see the situation from your side. They’re saying that they agree with the other person as much as they agree with you – or maybe moreso.
Anytime you stay quiet to keep the peace, you’re allowing the other person to get away with treating you poorly. They’re getting to continue behaving the way they always have, and you’re getting to continue feeling upset about it. Your silence is only benefitting them. It’s doing absolutely nothing for you.
Being the bigger person usually means being the first to forgive, the first to cave, the first to compromise. It usually means that you’re reaching out an olive branch to someone who is refusing to meet you halfway. It means you’re deciding to take the first step since they refuse to do it on their own. Sometimes, this can lead to an unexpected agreement. It can cause the other person to admit to their own faults and apologize, too. Other times, it can look like you were the one in the wrong, like you’re begging them to give you another chance, like you’re taking back all the things you said. Being the bigger person isn’t always the best path. It doesn’t always give you the results you want.
Some battles are worth fighting. If someone is treating you horribly or disrespecting you, then there’s nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. You’re allowed to state your opinion, just like they’ve been stating theirs. You should never let others convince you to keep quiet because your feelings are an inconvenience. Your feelings are valid. They deserve to be expressed. And if anyone disagrees, they might not be the best person to keep around in your life.
The next time someone hurts you, stop to analyze the situation. If being the bigger person means conducting yourself with maturity and refusing to stoop to their level, then by all means, be the bigger person. But if it means keeping quiet and allowing others to make you feel unworthy, then you might want to take another route. You might want to state your expectations and demand more from the people who supposedly care about you.