When it comes to dating or relationships or even marriages, I have learned that there are certain pillars that keep them going. Those pillars help sustain the relationship and strengthen the bond between you and your partner. A relationship without one of those pillars tends to fall apart eventually. I call these pillars the five C’s of love:
Take it or leave it, but without proper, clear, and solid communication, you can’t build a proper connection. You can’t form an honest bond. You can’t know someone on a deeper level if you don’t ask the hard questions and talk about the uncomfortable things. You can’t learn who someone really is if you don’t allow them to share their feelings. You can’t learn their love language if you don’t let them tell you about their lessons in love, and ultimately, they can’t learn who you really are if you don’t open up about the same things. You can’t overcome conflicts and challenges if you don’t clearly communicate your problems and figure out the best way to solve them and you can’t get the respect you want if you both don’t communicate your boundaries and your standards.
How do you expect to keep something going if you don’t stay consistent in your efforts? How do you expect to bring out the best in someone if you’re hot and cold or in and out of their lives? How do you expect someone to trust you when they’re not sure that you’ll always show up for them? Consistency is key to a successful relationship. That’s how you get someone to trust you and that’s how you take things to the next level, because when you’re consistent, your words match your actions and you don’t make promises you can’t keep and you give the other person the freedom to do the same and become more relaxed around you. It’s easy to get someone to like you, but it’s hard to maintain it without consistency and constant reassurance.
Not only to the person but to your words, your actions, your plans, your time, and your efforts. You need to commit to showing up for your partner when they need you. You need to constantly make time for them. You need to be committed to making this person a priority. You need to prove that you want this relationship and this person and commit to making it happen against all odds. You need to prove that nothing can sway you left or right because you are committed to making this relationship work with every fiber of your being. Commitment gives your partner security and removes all doubts and confusion, and security brings happiness and stability to any relationship.
Perhaps the most difficult one of them all because this means that sometimes you will have to put your partner’s needs above your own, and sometimes you will have to go out of your way for them, and sometimes you will have to bite your tongue or swallow your pride because the relationship is more important to you than your ego. Sometimes being selfish or expecting that your partner will always be the one yielding to your needs and desires turns it into a one-sided relationship and builds up resentment. A healthy relationship is where both partners compromise equally without feeling like the other person is taking them for granted or abusing their love and kindness. A relationship where one person does all the compromising often ends because that person has had enough and feels used.
How do you really expect to form a genuine bond with someone if you can’t be honest? Honest about who you are and how you feel. Honest about where you are and what you need. Honest about your insecurities and your strength. Honest about your mistakes and your past. Without candor and frank communication, it’s hard to see the real side of your partner, the side that’s not always polished or put together. The darker sides of their personality that can only be revealed in their most vulnerable and honest moments. Also, being honest if you’re feeling neglected or misunderstood is the key to keeping the romance alive and making the relationship stronger when it takes a hit. Honesty will always be better than lying just to buy yourself more time or avoid confrontations, because more often than not, the truth will eventually unfold and you won’t be able to run away from it. Always choose candor, because the truth will always set you free.