Jasmin Chew

The Best Thing You Ever Did Was Let Me Go

I remember the way your words stung me  
Dug deep into my skin 
And pulled at my insides to my very core 
I recall the tears I shed 
Over and over again feeling so stupid for caring so much about you  
Believing in you so deeply and allowing you into my thoughts 
You consumed me 

I lost myself in you 
I became the partner I thought you wanted 
Instead of the woman I’ve worked so hard to be  
I allowed you to mold my decisions and justified it by telling myself I was just being “easy going”  — the way every wanted girl should 

I saw the best in you 
Your determination to succeed 
Your dedication to loving me 
Your pure-intentioned heart. 

Your intellectual capabilities 
Your free flowing personality 
Your constant desire to watch out for me.  

You showed me the way I wanted to be stimulated by my partner mentally—you made me  crave an education the way I only did when I was a four-eyed child; education to you was like  food—a necessity to survive and evolve; feeding your soul, mind and flow of conversation  You showed me the way to be my most free-self; living blissfully; enjoying every moment spent  by your side since we spoke the same language of love 
You showed me what it meant to be loved. Not just loved but loved unconditionally. You were my  best friend and the person I trusted with everything. 

All three of you brought me so much joy 
Taught me so many lessons 
And made me become a better version of myself 
I wouldn’t have been able to be if you hadn’t let me go 
And for that I am so grateful 
As much pain as my heart endured  
As low as I sunk in my own disbelief,  
Pain I never thought I would be able to move past 
Pain I am still working through every day 
Every time I meet someone new 
It is because of each of you that I am here today  

I am at this prestigious law school because education finally means to me more than what you  showed me it meant to you 
I am living in this city, no longer waiting for you to return home because I wanted to experience  how to shut everyone out as easily as you do—I finally understand, in case you were wondering 
And finally, I am living on my own for the slight chance that in the next three years we choose to  come back to one another the way we had always planned 
But either way 
It is because of each experience that I am confident I will always be bettering myself.