Tyler Rayburn

The Love You Lost This Past Year Will Find Its Way To You Again

I know this year felt like you lost. Your heart. Your relationship. The life you knew as it was related to your partner. You watched like it was the ending of a movie you didn’t ask to turn on, let alone be the lead in.

And when things end, everyone’s first reaction is questioning their own self-worth. You replay scenarios in your mind you wish you could have changed. You try to pinpoint that moment where they changed their mind about you. When did they decide this was over and why did it feel like you were the last to know?

The truth is you may never get those answers, but there are questions that don’t need answers in order to move on.  

There’s no glamorous way to paint your heart getting broken. Trust gets lost because there is a sense of trust that was breached, as you invested so much into this person. You have to suddenly get used to a new life where they aren’t beside you for it and answer that horrendous question: What happened? And you’re trying to explain it to others, while in the same breath you’re trying to understand yourself. What the hell happened? 

It’s going places without them and getting used to being alone. It’s waking up without them and getting used to being alone. Trying to desperately forget, only you see them everywhere. You reach for your phone and have to refrain from reaching out. And it doesn’t matter what you say because what you really want to ask is, Do you miss me too? But you don’t want that answer either. And you wonder how you can feel something so deeply for another person that doesn’t feel the same way.

You feel lost. You feel confused. You feel devastated. But what is lost will soon be found.  

Because days turn into weeks that turn into months, and they suddenly aren’t every thought. I don’t know if it’s time that heals broken hearts but time helps you to forget those finite details that feel all consuming in the beginning. 

We all have a habit of replaying things in relationships that end because we don’t want to forget what was beautiful. But anything or anyone that touches our heart that deeply will never be truly forgotten. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to move on and heal.

I know this past year, however it happened or however it went down, it felt like that was the worst thing that could have happened. I know how hard it was to get over. I know how scared you are to try again.

But you do. You muster that courage to date again. And maybe it might take a few first dates. And maybe you will naturally compare people, not giving the fair shot that someone deserves. But we are human and we do that and it’s okay. 

Because what is going to happen is with enough tries and time, your heart will start to heal again and that love that felt like it walked right out, as they did, will find its way to you again. 

You’ll find love looking at your reflection, admiring how strong you were. You’ll find love in the friends and family that helped you through it. You’ll find love in anyone that listened and helped when you needed it. You’ll find love in another and it will all come back to you, filling you in a way you forget that there was a time you felt so empty. And what will happen when love finds its way to you again is gratitude. You’ll find yourself grateful for that ending.

The truth is anyone that can say goodbye and make it look easy was never worthy of that love you gave that came naturally. Anyone that can say goodbye and not look back belongs only in your past, not the present you’re building or the future that’s going to be wonderful. Anyone that can say goodbye and not regret it, realizing you and your love were the greatest gift, gave you a gift themselves by walking away. 

Because you and I know you would have kept fighting for them. But now you deserve to be fought for.