When I think about love, I think about selflessness.
To me, love has always been about giving. I give so much of myself — my time, my energy, my body, my love — to another person because that’s just always how I’ve done things.
I have had some people-pleasing tendencies. I’ve gone out of my way to do things for a romantic partner. And for what? For him not to do it in return?
I always thought that by giving, he would do the same or maybe he would change. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
Sometimes people don’t love the way you love. Sometimes, people can’t give the way you give.
I give and I give. I’ve never been given nearly as much in return. I’ve always been someone who loves more, cares more, and wants more. It’s a tough pill to swallow.
It wasn’t until a recent breakup that I took off the rose-colored glasses and saw everything for what it was: how selfish my selflessness was. What I mean is, how selfish of me to give all my love to someone else, never leaving any for me.
I saw everything for what it was: how much I gave to him, how I put his needs before my own, and how often I neglected myself. This was the moment I realized I deserved and needed so much more for myself.
I deserve to have someone give a shit about me. I need to treat myself with a lot more respect, not settling for someone or something just because it’s comfortable. I deserve kindness, especially from myself. I need to look at love as something different — something I give myself for once.