The Moment You Realize It Wasn’t Love

You realize it wasn’t love the moment you start your healing journey and discover that it was an unhealthy kind of attachment that kept you going back to someone who wasn’t good for you. The mentality that kept you stuck with the wrong people just because you didn’t want to be alone. The unhealed version of you that thought maybe that’s the best you could do or that’s what you deserved. 

You realize it wasn’t love when you start loving yourself more and recognizing your own worth, and then remember that you didn’t really know what love was. You thought that your happiness or your worth was in someone else’s hands. You thought that your value was based on how someone else sees you or treats you. You thought that your self-esteem was linked to someone else choosing you or making you feel wanted. You thought that love only existed between you and another person. You didn’t think that the real kind of love is the one you have for yourself. 

You realize it wasn’t love when you look back on all the things they said versus what they did. When you realize that all their promises evaporated into space and all the things that made them special were just a figment of your imagination. You’re the one who built them up to be this special person because you didn’t want to accept their truth and you didn’t want to lose them. You’re the one who put them on a pedestal they didn’t deserve because you wanted them to live up to the person you thought they could be. You realize it wasn’t love when you start putting yourself on that pedestal and see them for who they really are. 

You realize it wasn’t love when you meet people who genuinely care, people who slowly grow on you and break down your walls. When you meet people who don’t confuse you or manipulate you. When you meet people who don’t play mind games or give you mixed signals. When you meet people who are sure about you when you were only used to the ones who weren’t or the ones who never made you feel like you’re the only one. 

You realize it wasn’t love when you stop wanting closure or needing an explanation or an apology. When you realize that you know exactly why things ended or why they did what they did. When you finally understand the reason why they came into your life and when you finally understand that you picked them when you weren’t yourself. When you weren’t feeling your best, when you decided that they’re better than you.

You realize it wasn’t love when you stop missing them or wanting them back and when you realize that the person you are becoming deserves someone who is fully invested, fully committed, fully present, and who makes you a priority. When you realize you’re a good person and it’s not your job to force anyone else to see your worth. 

The moment you realize it wasn’t love is the moment you finally move on from all your past heartbreaks and pain because you’re the one who caused it by choosing people who reflected your insecurities back to you and that’s the moment it all makes sense. You never truly loved these people either, they just reflected back to you how you felt about yourself because you weren’t the right person back then either, but when you become better, better people will start showing up for you and everything else will fall into place. It all begins and ends with you.