If you’re a fixer by nature, you probably find immense joy in trying to help people heal or trying to fix them because you see their potential. You know they’re capable of much more and you hate seeing them stuck in situations that don’t serve them. That is especially true when it comes to the closest people to your heart—your family, your best friends, or your partner—but the truth is, until these people are ready to fix themselves, there’s only so much you can do, and the more you try, the harder it will be.
The one thing I’ve learned about ‘fixing’ others is that we sometimes neglect our own needs and desires in the process. We focus too much on attending to that person and we get sucked into the cycle of getting them out of their own mess that we forget to pick up our own mess first.
You can be there for someone and help them with everything that you’ve got, but ‘fixing’ them will always remain their job, not yours. Your only job is to fix yourself, because that’s the only power you have and you will never be able to pour from an empty cup. I have noticed that a lot of people who can’t fix themselves try to fix others, and even though it’s the most selfless thing on the planet, part of it feels like these people gave up on themselves.
I hope you never give up on yourself. I hope you continue to fix and mend your broken pieces and give all that energy and effort you put into others to yourself first because you are stuck with yourself for life. You can try to fix someone and actually succeed, but then this person can go and befriend or date someone else and you’re left with nothing. You then feel depleted because you’ve invested so much of your time and energy into trying to ‘fix’ that person.
At the end of the day, you should always be your own priority, because so many people take more than they’re willing to give and so many people abuse the ‘fixers’ until they feel better about themselves and then move on. I hope you never become another temporary fix for someone. I hope you understand that you too deserve the same kind of love, effort, and time you give others. I hope you don’t neglect yourself because you think that the other person’s needs are more important than your own.
You should be proud of being a fixer, because that means you have a big heart that sees what’s beneath the surface and sees the best in people, but don’t let that blind you from seeing the best in yourself as well and loving yourself the way you love others, attending to your own needs the way you attend to others, and doing the work to heal yourself before you try to heal others. People come and go, they don’t always stay when you want them to and they don’t always show up when you need them, and those are the hardest moments when you need to stand on your own and hold yourself together. Fixing others won’t get you through those darker times, but fixing yourself will. You have to always work on yourself first before you try to work on others.