The thing about being a guarded individual is that it takes a lot of time and effort to build up your walls. It takes a lot of dedication to create a sturdy foundation for yourself, by yourself. After everything you’ve been through, it means everything to finally feel safe somewhere, even if only within your own presence.
Then they come along. You know who I’m talking about. Them, with the pretty jawline and eyes that see through all of your bullshit. The ones who call you out on your bluffs when you didn’t even realize you were bluffing. They are the ones who fight back against your arsenal of defense mechanisms that you desperately try to use to push them away. When you finally give in, let your guard down, stop resisting their efforts, and let them in, what are you supposed to do when they are also the ones who get bored and walk away?
You find yourself asking all kinds of questions. Why did this exceptional being fight their way in just to leave? How do you cope when they are gone? What do you do when you realize that the one human being who somehow managed to ease their way in, decided that they didn’t like the view once they were inside? What did they wish they hadn’t seen?
Maybe they didn’t like how much of themselves they saw within you once they got too close and made it past your walls. So they broke you for being the mirror who wanted nothing more than to hold their reflection. You want to wish them well but find it hard not to secretly hope that they cut themselves on every jagged piece because you are still pulling slivers of them out of your memory.
The truth is, all you can do in their absence is create a mosaic masterpiece out of what they broke and hope to reflect the light of the world from new angles on to those who need it most. Convert yourself into the very miracle you prayed would help you heal from the damage that came from being in the presence of someone who was never meant to be anything more than a fleeting memory, a temporary surrender, a ghost. Perhaps they were sent to haunt you in ways you’ve never known, showing you that just maybe, you weren’t building up your walls to keep people out but to have a safe place to invite the right ones into. There is no sturdier foundation than the truth. Never be ashamed of your demons or ghosts, because to the right people, even a haunted house can feel like home.