For once, I don’t want to be stronger. I don’t want to learn a lesson. I don’t want to experience the very thing I was afraid of occurring. I don’t want to feel the pain that someone can cause me.
Maybe this time, I want things to work out. Maybe this time, I want to go into things without the fear and doubt it can all be taken away in a minute. Maybe I don’t want to get hurt anymore.
You see, it’s easy to tell someone you will grow from this. That with pain comes a lesson. And while that’s true, it doesn’t soften the blow. It doesn’t make getting back up from the fall any kinder. It doesn’t make the nights spent lying awake, doubting yourself, filling your head with questions and thoughts and worry any more graceful.
Because at the end of the day, as much as we may prep ourselves, we don’t want to be let down. We want to believe in the good in the world. We want to be convinced that if only we put enough good out, it will always come back.
But this isn’t always the case. We learn people can hurt us; people can break little pieces of our hearts like glass. People can be cruel, and reckless, and have little remorse for the destruction they freely cause.
But despite it all, you deserve the love you so freely give into the world. You deserve to have someone who sees your delicate heart and wants to add to it.
Maybe you don’t hear it enough, but you are worthy. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of being treated with respect. You are worthy enough, exactly and as authentically as you are.
Maybe one day we won’t have to get used to the pain. Maybe one day we won’t need to get hurt anymore.