Twenty20 / @criene

There Might Actually Be A Sixth Love Language, And Here’s Why It’s The Best One

I remember one day someone was rushing me to do something, and one of my close friends told them, “Don’t rush her, she really doesn’t like being rushed.” The thing is, most people I know don’t know this about me, but my friend knew. I have never said that this is something that irritates me out loud, yet it was such a nice feeling to know that someone knew this little detail about me that many people don’t even recognize. I don’t show that I am irritated or upset when someone does that, but this is someone who knows me so well that even if I don’t show or say that I am irritated or annoyed, they can still tell that this specific thing annoys me.

Lately, I have seen videos talking about a potential sixth love language, and it absolutely blew my mind because it talks about exactly this. They suggest that there should be a sixth love language which is to feel fully known. And to be completely known to me is one of the best ways to be loved.

Many people in this life will say that they love you whether it’s because of the way you make them feel or because of a certain version of you. But to get this authentic love of someone who completely and utterly knows you as a person and loves you exactly for that, it’s rare. Not everyone in your life will take care of the tiny details that make you you, the way you like to listen to songs with the version of the rain sound in the background or the way you rush to the hill at the park every day to try to catch the sunset or the way you hum spontaneously to your favorite songs or how you’re over the moon when you receive a sentimental gift over an expensive one. This act of paying attention to the habits of the person in front of you, what they like, what they don’t, what genuinely makes them happy, what excites them, and what makes their day better every morning is a form of genuine love. The effort and time you invest in getting to know this person this way is such a beautiful thing that shows how much they mean to you and how much you’re willing to invest in them.

People could love you and give you gifts that are really expensive or something that is super trendy and new that everyone is rushing to get or even something that would make them happy if they got it themselves, but not many would ask themselves, just because if they received this exact gift they would be happy, does that mean you would be happy to get it too? If most people are rushing to get this thing because it’s wanted by the majority, does that mean that the person I love wants it too? They can only answer these questions by truly knowing the person they love. From personal experience, the best gifts I have ever received in my life were based on someone fully knowing me and knowing what I love. It’s someone knowing how much I love butterflies and most creatures with wings as well as jewelry, so they gift me necklaces and bracelets that have butterflies or a girl with wings on them, for example. It’s about people knowing how much I love handwritten cards that are gifted to me, even if usually they don’t write cards in general for people on special occasions. And this genuinely makes me feel known and so happy because these are the kind of gifts that I would like over other things.

Other people might love you based on their own love language and the way they like to be loved without paying that much attention to how you want and like to be loved. The intention of love itself and to show someone that you love them is noble, but at the end of the day it’s mostly about the quality of this love. Because loving someone based on your own perception of it and your own ideas of how you want to receive it is selfish even if it’s in an intentional way. Because even if that person is aware of your intentions, they will still not feel the beauty and intensity of your feelings towards them as much. Since you don’t truly take the time to know them wholeheartedly that you know exactly how to make them feel loved and fulfilled.

I think that the potential sixth love language is my all-time favorite because it’s one of the most intimate acts a person can do towards another. And it’s one of the ways that makes relationships’ qualities go to a whole other level. If we all started practicing this language mindfully, I think we would never end up feeling like strangers in relationships again or realizing after years that maybe we don’t even know each other. Because to our surprise, many of us could know and even live together for years and not truly know each other because we have never dived deep into each other’s tiny little details about our lives and what makes us who we are.