tom balabaud

These Are The Things She Wanted To Tell You (But Didn’t)

She wanted to tell you she feared falling in love. She was never a believer in butterflies in the belly. She knew it was possible; she just never thought it would happen to her.

She wanted to tell you that she had no clue that the stranger right in front of her would someday mean so much to her. She did not know you would give her butterflies—a strange feeling that she gets by simply looking into your eyes.

She wanted to tell you that she never thought you could sweep her off her feet. She always thought she was strong until you made her weak.

She wanted to tell you that she did not know that the smile that she saw on that busy Friday would be the same smile that she would love to see every hour of every day. She said it was a smile that could light up any room you walked into. You always stand out and never try to fit in.

She wanted to tell you that she was neither lost nor found. She was neither complete nor broken. She was neither messing around nor trying to keep her life together. She was just her, but when she was with you, she felt better.

She wanted to tell you that she was afraid to take a risk. She always played it safe. She has always been terrified of falling in love, but when you came, she realized there was nothing more terrifying than spending her whole life thinking of all the “what ifs” and the “what could have beens.”

She wanted to tell you she had no idea that one day you would be the prayer with her eyes closed and the story she would keep on telling. She said you are weird and at times crazy, but you make her happy. She said you were the one sitting beside her when her favorite movie was flashing. And you are the one she thinks about when her songs are playing.

She wanted to tell you she always enjoyed the music, but with you, she felt and understood the lyrics. She said she misses you when you are not around and feels hurt when you say you will come but don’t.

She said she missed you when she left and gets worried with every unanswered text.

She hopes you will not give up on her and wait for her to come back.

She wanted to tell you to trust her.

She said no matter the distance, you will always have her heart.

She wanted to tell you that she was never a writer, but you are the reason she is writing.

She said she never thought that the person standing in front of a convenience store on a busy afternoon would be the same person she wants to be sitting next to her on a wooden rocking chair, sipping coffee or perhaps an Earl Grey tea, talking about life, love, and everything in between when she is 80.

SHE was not looking for LOVE, yet it was YOU that she had found.

For her, there is no difference.

She said that finding you was finding love at last.