This Is For Anyone Who’s Over 25 And Still Single

If you’re officially in the 25+ club and wondering if you’re the only one left who’s single, please know you are certainly not the only one. As the holidays finally end and we make our way to the classic holiday of romance, Valentine’s Day, it’s okay to question if you’re crazy for being what seems like one of the few single people left in the dating world. Whether it’s the typical Christmas proposal or the not so surprising popping of the question while the ball is dropping on New Year’s Eve, it suddenly hits you that you are no longer that carefree 22-year-old girl out drinking while singing the lyrics to an early 2000s hit with your other at-the-time single friends in an overly crowded bar.

Similar to the dynamic change that occurs post-high school graduation, there is an evident split in life paths among this age range in our adulthood. Whether it be high school sweethearts or those who simply don’t want to leave their comfort zones as they propose to their significant other, this leaves us, the singles, left to navigate the dating scene as we view life through a very different lens. However, it’s important to keep a few things in mind to ensure you keep thriving on your personal journey rather than second guessing your decisions and previous relationships because you think the grass is greener on the other side. Disclaimer: the grass never is greener and never will be. Simply put, the grass will always be greener wherever you choose to water it.

On that note, here are a few things to keep in mind as you figure out what is best for you in this new stage of your life.

It’s called history for a reason! Very often, when we notice the sudden increase of couples around us getting engaged and our pool of single friends to grab drinks with starts to rapidly decrease, we start to become hesitant of our previous life choices, leading us to ask ourselves, Was breaking up with [insert name of person you dated too long] a mistake? Should I try to rekindle things? Were they really that bad? Consequently enough, these thoughts can steer us to start romanticizing this person, creating an amazing version of this person that exists only in our imagination. Nonetheless, we are delusional enough to believe the romanticized version of this person could potentially be a reality. The key to eliminating these thoughts from escalating too far is to stop your racing mind in its tracks and shift your focus to recognizing all the reasons why you broke up with them in the first place. This will dissipate the romanticized version of this person you created in your head and give you a reality check of why it is you ended things with that person in the first place, along with how much of a blessing it is that you made that choice.

Ask yourself: is dating [insert person who you thankfully aren’t dating anymore] fitting for the chapter of your life you’re in right now? There are so many people I know who are getting engaged and married, yet they remain unprepared for the financial responsibilities that await them, and though that may work for some, it might not work for you! For the right relationship to be successful, the responsibilities go beyond financial demands but additionally includes the sacrifice of your time, thoughts, and dedication to the relationship. For example, I’m 26 years old, paying for a PhD program I’m currently enrolled in, working a very demanding K-8 learning specialist teaching job, and simultaneously publishing my first children’s book. This chapter of my life is extremely time-consuming, requiring my full attention, my time, and my unwavering dedication. Aside from career goals, there is the art of juggling my family obligations, professional events, and the possibility of having a social life with my friends. So maybe you’re finishing graduate school, still paying off student loans, finally launching that business idea you’ve been planning for years, or completely changing career paths. No matter what the reason, it’s important to ask yourself if a commitment as big as engagement and marriage is even fitting in your current chapter of your life.

Make room for you time. Although this is probably one of the most cliché things I will ever quote, there is a valid amount of truth held in the saying, “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.” This is not to say that those who are single do not love themselves, because that is very much inaccurate. Also, I feel it should be pointed out that there are plenty of couples who do not love themselves and are in a relationship for that exact reason. Whatever the case may be, it is crucial to take time out of your day/ week to participate in activities that make you happy that help to feed your soul (i.e., working out, reading, trying new coffee shops, journaling, yoga, etc.). When you take time for yourself, you not only learn what your interests are and what helps to recharge your mental battery, but you also learn what you do not like, along with why you have these specific preferences. Additionally, you learn more about yourself, which helps to establish the boundaries you need in order to successfully sustain any kind of real, successful relationship. Self-reflection is an essential ingredient to growth, healing, and maturity. So, in order to allow yourself time to relax, reset, and self-reflect, you must prioritize making you time in your schedule for yourself, which cannot be done if you are too focused on searching for a partner.

Do not settle. I cannot stress this enough. If you have gotten this far in life without settling for a relationship that did not add happiness to your life, or even worse, drained bliss from your life, why go back now? This goes back to damage that can be done from romanticizing those we broke up with in our previous relationships. As someone who attends many formal events and always being invited with a plus one, I understand better than anyone the not-so-great feeling that can come from loneliness or when comparison rears its ugly head. Then I remind myself that if I didn’t want to settle in my relationships then, there’s no way in hell I would want to settle for anything less than happiness now. As a result of the pandemic, many couples have gotten together because they were in their comfort zone with one another or settled due to fear of having to start over with someone new, which required too much work. Settling is a sign of insecurity, so just know that by not settling for anything less than what you want—and more importantly, what you deserve—it is a clear indication of your self-confidence, demonstrating how much you respect yourself and your well-deserved high standards.

Lastly, choose you. It’s okay to choose yourself over someone else and to prioritize yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s selfless. It wasn’t until my recent years of dating combined with long overdue me time spent self-reflecting that I realized that sometimes we have to break up with someone, not because we don’t love them, but because they’re not good for us. I speak from experience when I say that this is probably one of if not the hardest break ups there is, because despite the love still being there, it comes down to two options: you or them, and at the end of the day, you always have to choose you. A few years ago, someone once told me that just because two people love each other, it doesn’t mean they should be together. However, this statement didn’t make any sense to me until I got older and realized that love is not always enough if it comes at the cost of giving yourself up. It’s okay to love yourself, even if it hurts and means walking away from someone you love, because the right person will not have to make you choose between you or them…it will instead be you and them.

Though I wish I had all the answers for the future dates that are to come with ringing in the new year of 2023, ironically, all the dating knowledge I’ve gathered has been from previous dating experiences and circumstances in my current life, not anything that can be predicted for the future. On the bright side, I hope these tips can help you to transition smoothly out of any holiday funk you may have been feeling as a single in the 25+ club and allow you to embrace, enjoy, and treasure your singlehood. If all else fails, pour a glass of wine with other singles and laugh about all the comical previous experiences you’ve had in your dating life (I can tell you from firsthand experience this always does the trick for me!). After all, you didn’t get this far just to get this far! You got this!