This Is For The Women Who Aren’t Obsessed With Weddings And Bachelorette Parties

I recently posted a TikTok about my distaste for the “Venmo the bride” bachelorette party trend, and bam, it went viral. Like any viral content on social media—especially TikTok—the troll trolley rode into the comment section with hateful rhetoric and mean-girl hype. Although many people liked the video, several women felt I was attacking all women, which called for the retaliation of attacking me—a woman.

Funny how that works, right?

The troll generation birthed from social media interaction is not new, but I want to take this opportunity to talk about how—as a feminist—a person can support equality while still disagreeing with women.

Feminism is not about blindly following women; it’s about supporting women’s equality in all scenarios. But today, there is a misconception that following women blindly can be translated as support.

Wrong.

I’m a feminist, and I love women, but at the same time I can still disagree with the mass majority of women obsessed with all things related to weddings, engagements, showers, and bachelorette parties.

Now listen, just because I’m not obsessed with these over-the-top festivities doesn’t mean that I hate women or that I hate love. I actually love love, so I’m not saying that we should eliminate these celebrations. I am saying that I can’t help but acknowledge that the useless amount of rising pressure we inflate into these events is not a good use of energy and resources.

This “Venmo the bride” trend is just one example of how the ridiculousness of weddings has trickled down into bachelorette parties while overshadowing the reason people have a wedding or bachelorette party in the first place: to celebrate love. The whole celebration piece has become grossly excessive, steadily empowered by the competition of what other people have done or what we’ve seen online. I think it’s counterintuitive to pump this much emphasis into a wedding when there shouldn’t be this much pressure on a relationship in the first place.

We’ve gotten so hyper-obsessed with this idea of forever, forcing someone to be with us no matter what because they’ve made a wedding vow. So, we communicate things like:

·      One day down, forever to go

·      Forever has a nice ring to it

·      I found my forever

·      This is what forever looks like

·      My forever date

·      Stuck with me forever

Ugh, that last one has my head spinning. These words stray further away from useful and accurate language, setting many up for enhanced disappointment. We know a lot of married couples get divorced—approximately 630,505 per year—but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing—and it’s about time we acknowledge that. People that leave relationships aren’t always in the wrong, because people change. More often than not, a couple will not change in the same direction, especially if the relationship is motivated by settling or rushing into this idea of marriage.

The key is communicating that change to the person you’re in a relationship with. But so often we ignore our feelings and deny change, which spews out into actions, whether it be lying or looking for love in new places. That part may be wrong, but changing as a person isn’t. It can be painful nonetheless, both for the person experiencing that change and the person impacted.

So, that’s why I have a tough time wrapping my mind around the tradition of marriage: a formal agreement that locks you to a person enforced by the government. I don’t quite understand why so many are eager to jump into this situation when no one can predict how a relationship will progress in the future.

The emphasis, obsession, and ridiculousness of all things wedding-related have created this moth-to-a-flame distraction, steering us from the reality that relationships are uncertain. In reality, you sign up for that uncertainty when you decide to enter a relationship with someone you care about, and it’s a beautiful thing. But to move forward together means to communicate together and grow together. The harsh reality is that forcing someone to be with you forever is too much to ask of anyone with all the uncertainty and change human beings face in their everyday lives. I’m not saying commitment is impossible, but you get better at finding healthy commitment when you’re actively acknowledging this reality, relying on yourself for your own happiness and looking for the kind of love that isn’t seen in the circus of weddings but that is felt day in and day out within a meaningful relationship.

Communicating is precisely what can better your chances of finding someone you can build a life with rather than competing for the idea, which typically leads to settling for the sake of catching up. Although this may appear as the easier choice for many, it creates an enormous imbalance of people in unhappy relationships. Think of how many people you know in relationships that feel trapped or afraid to leave.

I have more thoughts on this, but I’ll end this piece with these final words.

If you feel like an outcast within the wedding-obsessed generation, please know that you’re not as alone as you may think. Remember that it is not about the destination but the journey. Your journey is supposed to be unique to you, and the more you focus on active communication, I believe you will find the love that isn’t advertised on social media—the love that a picture couldn’t do it justice, which is why it’s felt rather than seen.