This Is How I Will Heal From You

I haven’t deleted our playlists
But I don’t listen to them anymore
I fall asleep to Billie and Sade exclusively again 

I stay off of my phone
From social media
To Google chat
To Gmail
There were so many ways we spoke to each other 

I don’t wait impatiently for your texts anymore
I don’t seek them out in the middle of the night
There are none or so few
The past seems like a dream
I give up my memories as an offering
To the goddess of heartbreak and healing 

I’ve thrown off my demon
That makes me think the worst of you
I simply tell myself
There are things I cannot see
And life is so complex and busy—
I will just give you your space
And I’ll go my own way 

I was happy before you
And I will remember this
As I do the things I love most
And see new places without you
As your memory still lives all over my home
And my town
And my heart
But I’ll move on without you
As you have moved on without me 

It’s okay
It’s okay
It’s okay
I will always be okay
In the end 

I just have to follow the formula
For healing
So I pray
And I read
And I feel it all
I lie in the grass
And on the floor
And listen to the silence

I drive with the windows down
I watch the sky and analyze the clouds
I listen to the children’s laughter
I watch the world around me
And look for details no one else sees
Because that’s what I do best
From being a quiet only child
And then I write about them
And I write love songs to my soul
Praising her strength and beauty
That will never leave
No matter who does or doesn’t love me