What do you bring with you into each new day? Is it learning, or is it pain? Maybe it’s both—whether you’re aware of it or not.
Truth be told, what we carry in our subconscious can often outweigh one’s concrete expression. The version we share with the world doesn’t always reflect reality, often concealing what we wish to deflect most. Social media platforms have only exacerbated this process, normalized it even—making it that much easier to share whatever version we want with the world while the mass majority glorifies the masks so many of us hide behind.
But when we remove all of the filters and edits, we’re left with the truth behind our past rejections, missed opportunities, and irreconcilable losses.
So how does one put heartbreak in the rearview so that it can influence your present without controlling it? Well, it starts with removing our disguises and embracing raw honesty. Then it grows the more acquainted you get with the inevitable sadness that is a founding component of the human experience.
Make the sadness your friend, something you can relate to and feel for. When you understand where that pain is rooted, the less control it will have over you. The more you can do that, the more you’ll start to have empathy towards yourself—and subsequently others.
So, be mindful of how and where you’re using your power. Heartbreak can often motivate us to pass the authority of that internal force to others, stripping us of the ability to see our truth.
For years I let the opinion of others influence my reflection so that it outlined what I saw in the mirror. When a boy rejected me—or I lost someone or something in my life—I took it to heart, and I carried it. I tolerated it instead of accepting it. Acceptance can be a painful human experience, but it can also be enlightening—and the driving force that fosters new experiences instead of reentering familiar situations with the hope of a different outcome.
For me, it wasn’t until I took ownership of the relationship I had with myself that I realized the opinions I overvalued of others were infiltrated with assumptions I had, guided by insecurity, self-doubt, and a growing disapproval of myself; ultimately, they were controlled by avoided open wounds.
You see, the rejection of others turned into rejecting myself. It started somewhere ugly, but by ignoring the original sin, I let my new heartbreak join my old heartbreak living rent-free and occupying an absorbent amount of headspace.
Putting heartbreak in the rearview doesn’t happen by just placing it somewhere hidden; it happens by letting that heartbreak live out in the open so that you can move on from it instead of holding onto it.
Remember that the pain of heartbreak in all forms is temporary, but the relationship you have with yourself can be your constant.