This Is The Brutal Truth About Twin Flames That No One Tells You About

“I knew right away that he was what I call a twin flame,” Megan Fox revealed during an interview on the podcast “Give Them Lala…With Randall.” She was, naturally, referring to her boyfriend, MGK (also known as Colson Baker).

She continued: “Instead of a soulmate, a twin flame is actually where a soul has ascended into a high enough level that it can be split into two different bodies at the same time. So we’re actually two halves of the same soul, I think. And I said that to him almost immediately, because I felt it right away.”

If it sounds intense, that’s because it is. Megan calling MGK her twin flame is more than a trendy label for a relationship—it goes much deeper than that. While the term certainly isn’t new, it’s a rather unheard of type of relationship that many aren’t familiar with. 

Twin flames are often confused with soulmates, the type of relationship that is portrayed in pop culture as passionate, intense, and destined to be together for the rest of their lives kind of love. Soulmates tend to be more about a connection with someone similar to you, someone who understands and makes you feel safe and secure. While there are some similarities between the two, twin flames are a distinct connection all their own.

The origin of twin flames isn’t easy to pinpoint—traces of the concept can be found in multiple different spiritual and religious texts. Plato is often quoted with one of the best descriptors of the idea, despite never using the official term of “twin flame”: “[When] a person meets the half that is his very own,” he exclaims, “something wonderful happens: the two are struck from their senses by love, by a sense of belonging to one another, and by desire, and they don’t want to be separated from one another, not even for a moment. These are people who finish out their lives together and still cannot say what it is they want from one another. This definition highlights some of the remarkable parts of a twin flame relationship—the chemistry, the intense feelings of love, and the desire to stay by each other’s side always.

Of course, to many, these things sound incredible. It’s no wonder that anyone who comes across the idea of a twin flame would want to claim that title in their current relationship or spend their life desperate to find one like it.

However, the truth is, you don’t actually want a twin flame relationship.

At least, not in the way you’re picturing it. The truth is, while twin flames are often marked with passion and chemistry, it’s also equally marked with challenging interactions. Twin flames are not peaceful connections—they are determined to force your growth, no matter what.

A twin flame’s purpose is to reveal to you the areas you need to grow in—which often means taking a hard look at your flaws, insecurities, and terrible habits and deciding to work on them. Twin flames often function as a mirror, where all of your worst traits are reflected back at you. You may feel defensive or even resentful towards this person at times because you can’t stand being forced to face the inner issues you don’t want to deal with. You may have similar issues and responses where you see your struggles demonstrated by another person, which can feel agitating. 

Your differences are also a mirror–if you struggle with being codependent on another person for validation and affection, your twin flame may be a person who is extremely independent and even avoidant, causing you to have to confront your own emotional struggles.

The truth is, a twin flame isn’t necessarily meant to serve as your happily ever after. They show up in your life to help you grow and become a better version of yourself—and while we do hope that our partners inspire us to be better, twin flames aren’t known to do this with solely encouraging pep talks and romantic gestures. They reflect parts that we genuinely dislike about ourselves, which is often the motivation that spurs us to not continue in those habits anymore. 

Unlike the idea of soulmates that has been repeated throughout history, not everyone has a twin flame. Its rarity only seems to draw people into the desire, but not having a twin flame doesn’t mean you are bound to have a boring, unremarkable relationship, nor that you can’t have a passionate one. It’s important to keep in mind that asking for a twin flame relationship solely for the excitement of it all isn’t taking into account the entire picture.

A true twin flame relationship is anything but smooth. In fact, twin flames are highly tumultuous and are prone to messy, repeated separations. If one or both people in the relationship aren’t growing or growing at different speeds, they may find themselves apart far more than together. There are even times where you’ve learned the lessons you needed to from your other half, and therefore don’t need to remain as intimately connected as you once were.

Having to overcome your insecurities and fears while being brought face to face with them is an overwhelming thing, often feeling like too much to handle together. Keep in mind your twin flame is also dealing with this exact situation, as you’re also reflecting their worst qualities back at them. While some twin flames enjoy periods of time together, it’s not without conflict, tension, and an immense amount of patience. For some twin flames, separations can last for years—even decades.

Romanticizing a twin flame relationship (and actively trying to find one) can also potentially lead to unhealthy, even toxic relationships. The dynamic between a manipulative, codependent relationship and a twin flame can look very similar from an outside perspective if based on a generalized idea. However, while a twin flame’s purpose is to help us grow individually and become better, a toxic relationship is fixated on codependency and control of the other person. If a person is involved in unhealthy coping mechanisms, unhealed trauma responses, and has destructive habits that they haven’t worked through, a twin flame relationship will highlight these things and bring them to your awareness. In a toxic relationship, you may be made aware of another person’s harmful behavior, and they may “point out” your flaws, but the goal of an abuser isn’t to improve the relationship or help you grow. Instead, they are seeking to create a controlling environment where they can have the upper hand.

Due to conflicts rising to the surface, people may mistake dealing with an abusive partner who wants to “fix them” as a twin flame. People mistake trauma bonding for shared past experiences, constant fighting as healthy growth, and attachment issues as strong emotional connections. The two can appear similar if a person isn’t fully aware of what a twin flame relationship truly is and what it’s for.

So does this mean twin flame relationships are automatically toxic? Not at all. Twin flames can serve a greater purpose in our lives and truly help us grow in ways we wouldn’t without them. The issue is when twin flames are projected as an epic romance that will result in true happiness and bliss, rather than a relationship that is less about the attraction and passion aspects and more about your personal growth as a whole. Twin flames aren’t meant to give people an “exciting” romance, and if that is the reason you are seeking one, then trust me when I tell you that this is not what you’re looking for.

Twin flame relationships need to be handled with genuine care and a serious commitment—not as something purely focused on romance. People who simply apply the twin flame label to their relationships to validate troubling aspects or people tossing around the idea of a twin flame to equal an intense relationship are much more focused on the other person than on themselves. They believe a twin flame will fix their loneliness and give them the partner of their dreams instead of focusing on becoming a better partner themselves. Taylor Swift said it best in her “All Too Well” (10 Minute Version) lyrics “Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us did the love affair maim you, too?”

So before you start claiming you have found a twin flame or that you desperately want one, keep in mind that what you’re asking for isn’t the world’s most incredible love story but a journey committed to improving yourself at all costs.

It’s a journey that may be more than you ever imagined.