Maksim Goncharenok

This Is The Love You Deserved All Along

You’ll be amazed at how little someone means to you once someone else has taken their place. You’ll also be amazed at how much someone still matters to you, even if they have been replaced. 

You’ll always feel your heart tremble when you see someone on the street that has a similar haircut as them. You’ll always jump at a gesture similar to theirs, at a word pronounced in a funny way, at a thing or a place that you know they would like. 

You’ll stop wanting to know what they are up to.

But you’ll always be on the lookout for them.

That’s how you know they mattered. That’s how you will clear yourself of any doubts about whether you did truly love them, whether it was all worth it, whether it would have been better if you never said hello. It was never a waste. Showing love is never a waste, showing up is never wrong. Showing you care is the most you can do. And it’s enough.

You might see them in your dreams sometimes. You might think about how they would enjoy a movie, a photo, a meal, a flower. They might sometimes be the last thing you think about when you fall asleep, or the first thing you think about when you wake up. But most times, they won’t be. Most times, you will turn around, look at the person sleeping next to you, and think to yourself how lucky you are to have found them after knowing what loss is. How lucky you are that they found you, despite all the horrible things the person before made you feel. You will be thankful that they do not see your passions as “childlish”, “stupid”, “pointless”. You will be thankful because when they say they will work on something, they really do it. Because when you send them 50 texts, they read them. Because when you say you need milk and eggs at 11 p.m., they bring you them. Because even when they put themselves first, they somehow also put you first. Because they are not choosing the easy way out, even if it is more tempting. 

By that point, you will have forgotten most of the pain you were in. But you will be grateful every time you feel a little more loved and a little more important to this new person, because a part of you will remember how long you hoped to feel this way. You will start to feel your heart get stronger and hopeful again; you will feel like your soul is being rebuilt. 

If you want to forget them, you won’t. They will always be a part of you, a part of the person you have become. But it won’t matter. Because who chooses to stay, who chooses to show up consistently, that is what you will know as love. Because that is what love should have been all along.