Almost relationships mean reading texts over and over again, trying to decipher what they mean. It seems like this person is pretty damn clear about their feelings for you. It seems like they’re interested in getting to know you on a deeper level. But they aren’t making a move. They aren’t asking you to be official. You aren’t sure what’s going on. You can’t figure out why this person would be interested enough to flirt with you, to compliment you and text you at odd hours of the night – but they aren’t interested enough to take things to the next level. You aren’t sure what you’re missing or whether you’ve been misreading the signs. You aren’t sure what thoughts are running through their head and trying to figure them out is killing you.
Almost relationships mean feeling a twinge of jealousy whenever this person flirts with someone else – but knowing that they don’t owe you anything. They never made an official commitment to you. They never pledged their loyalty to you. They are technically single, so they’re allowed to hang out with anyone they want – and if you treated it like a problem, then they would have every right to tell you to back off, to treat you like you’re out of line, to walk away forever because you have no power over them. So you’re forced to keep your jealousy inside. You’re forced to pretend the way they’re treating you is okay even though you feel like they’re slowly breaking your heart.
Almost relationships mean sitting up at night, staring at your phone, wondering if they’re ever going to send a text back. After they go MIA without a word, you’re left wondering whether you said something wrong, whether they’ve moved on from you, or whether they’re simply busy and haven’t had time to reach out lately. You’re in a constant state of confusion, questioning whether they liked you as much as you initially thought – and if they did, then why would they leave? Where would they go?
Almost relationships mean staring at yourself in the mirror and questioning every little detail about yourself. Deep down, you know that you aren’t the problem. You know that it takes two people to make a relationship work and if they aren’t going to put in the effort there’s nothing you can do. But a part of you still wonders what you’re lacking. You wonder why you weren’t enough for them to stay.
Almost relationships mean you’re on a high half of the time. You’re blushing from the butterflies flapping around your stomach, the adrenaline coursing through your veins. You’re excited about what the future could hold for the two of you, how close you could become. But the other half of the time, you’re miserable. You’re questioning them and yourself and love as a whole. And that’s not the way your crush is supposed to make you feel. They’re supposed to be a constant. They’re supposed to treat you right one hundred percent of the time, not a fraction of the time. They’re supposed to be a source of joy, not misery.