This one is for you. The woman who has been carrying it all by herself for as long as she can remember. The woman who has been tested and challenged time and time again alone without the slightest pat on the back. The woman who has a multitude of fears and doubts but she can’t say a word when someone asks her if she’s okay. The woman who sometimes feels like the pain just won’t go away and has grown weary of it all. The woman who is expected to show up and brighten up everyone’s day as she struggles with her own darkness. I feel you and I am sorry that you can’t reveal or talk about your heaviness to anyone because they simply won’t understand and they won’t help you, so you keep it all to yourself.
I know that every morning you wake up hoping that you will feel alive again and that the weight will somehow magically lift itself off, but it only keeps getting heavier. I know that every night you go to bed praying that this time you won’t have to toss and turn because your anxiety and your fears are making it impossible for you to just rest. I know that time hasn’t been very kind to you and you’re starting to crack because the weight keeps getting heavier and you can only do so much. I know you can’t break because no one else can carry that weight for you and you can’t afford to fall apart. Your whole life depends on you. You are your own person. There’s no one you can call to rescue you.
I know that on some days, you don’t get it. You don’t understand how it all went wrong and why it’s lingering. You don’t understand why things haven’t changed or why you keep getting tested instead of relieved. I know that on some days you find it hard to explain yourself because you don’t even understand how your decisions got you here. After all, you’ve always tried to do things right. You’ve always been cautious. I know that when you go out, people can never tell what you’re going through because you put on your most light-hearted and problem-free face because no one will ever get what you’re going through. And that is why you could be surrounded by a ton of people and still feel all alone.
I know that you’re tired of feeling alone in a crowd and feeling alone when you’re dating someone and feeling like you don’t have anyone you can truly count on. I know that you’re scared of the day you can’t carry that weight anymore and there will be no one to pick you up if you drop it and fall down because no one knows how. I know that you’ve been acing this test for years but you’re not sure if you can keep going. I know that you’re dying to just get it all over with because it’s been tormenting you for years. But here’s what I know as well: There’s no one like you. You have endured more than you should. You have battled monsters and you have weathered the severest storms. You have done what very few women could do and you’re still standing here, yet no one can tell what’s really happening to you.
This is brave. You are limitless. I’m sorry that life hasn’t been that easy on you and that time may not even heal all those wounds, but I know you will. You keep healing yourself and you don’t need anyone. This is power, and one day this power will allow you to go to war by yourself and still win. It’s a lonely and hard road, I know, and it could leave you feeling lost and confused, but one day you will find the place that feels like home and you will find that person who drives you there and that’s when it will all make sense. You found peace and harmony and you haven’t faltered. You made it to the finish line without anyone coaching you. You’ve always had a little faith that this day would come even when it seemed out of reach. Keep the faith. It’s what got you here. Keep fighting. You still have more left in you. It will all be over soon.