Toxic Love Won't Keep You Warm
Joshua Rawson-Harris

Toxic Love Won’t Keep You Warm

When it comes to toxic love, the good moments shouldn’t outweigh the bad. You shouldn’t overlook the horrible things this person has said to you because sometimes they’re sweet, sometimes they’re soft, sometimes they’re romantic.

The right person will treat you the way you deserve every waking second. They won’t be stockpiling insults to save for later, waiting for the perfect moment to hurt you. They’ll handle your heart gently, and they won’t expect a thank you. After all, they’re treating you with kindness because they care about you, not because they expect a reward in return. Your presence is reward enough.

When you discover the right person, they won’t cross unforgivable boundaries, even when you’re in the middle of a fight. They won’t blame you for the harmful things that came out of their mouth. They won’t toss out excuses about why you deserved to be screamed at, why you deserved to be cheated on, why you deserved to be treated like garbage.  

The right person will make apologies, but their sorries won’t be an everyday occurrence because their mistakes won’t be a constant. Most days, they’ll shower you with the love and attention you crave. They’ll soar above your standards. They’ll make sure you stay excited to have them in your life.

Toxic love might give you butterflies on the good days, but those butterflies will turn into a swarm of nerves on the bad days. They will make you sick to your stomach. They will make you question your worth. You don’t deserve to deal with that type of sadness and uncertainty, especially from someone who supposedly loves you. You don’t want to force yourself to trek through hell in order to taste the tiniest slice of heaven.

You shouldn’t be settling for crumbs of affection. You shouldn’t be thrilled when your partner does the bare minimum. You shouldn’t be lowering your standards, inch by inch, every single day that you’re with them.

Real love means feeling comfortable in each other’s company. Your person is supposed to be a source of joy and excitement. They’re meant to make your days feel shorter and your soul feel lighter. You shouldn’t be scared of which version of them will walk through the door. You shouldn’t be crossing your fingers, hoping that they will love you right today.

When it comes to toxic love, you shouldn’t let the good overpower the bad. It doesn’t matter how much you love this person, or how much they love you. If they aren’t treating you right half the time, it doesn’t matter how sweet they are the other half. You need to search for someone who is consistent. Someone who always gives you what you deserve, despite the day, despite their mood.

Toxic love won’t keep you warm. It will burn you. Even when you leave, when you put them in your rearview, you’re going to have scars from what this person put you through. But the sooner you get out, the sooner you can start to heal.