There’s nothing more difficult than getting great news and immediately reaching for your phone to call that one person and then realizing that you can’t. Can’t in a way that the two of you are no longer close enough to make that call. Not can’t in a way that they aren’t living anymore. And that’s the worst part. They’re still alive. They’re still alive, but the two of you are pretending that each other no longer exist.
How fucking sad.
How sad is it to go from being best friends to barely even speaking? How sad is it to have been best friends since you were 14 years old and now being strangers? How sad is it to be the one person she was afraid to tell she was pregnant to just being another Snapchat Story she views? How sad is it that they were the first call you made when your father died and now you don’t even recognize one another anymore?
It’s just sad…
You were my best friend. You were my soulmate and my person. You were literally the other half of me. We went through everything together, and now we have no idea what’s even going on in each other’s lives. We FaceTimed all day every day. I was there through every step of your pregnancies. I ditched work to hang out with you and your baby. I had my birthday party in your garage because you were pregnant and couldn’t exactly go out, and a birthday wasn’t a birthday without you there.
We always prided ourselves on being the friendship that survived. Our friendship survived pregnancies, heartbreak, abortions, miscarriages, a dead parent, parents who weren’t always the best parents, and so much more. We literally grew up together. We knew each other better than we knew ourselves most days. You were my other half.
Then things changed.
It happened so quickly that it’s now almost too hard to even pinpoint when everything got so screwed up. There was a night of differences of opinions. Then there was an ugly conversation. Then there was a missed birthday party. Then there was no turning back. I loved you so much, but I couldn’t turn off how hurt I was. I couldn’t turn off the betrayal and heartbreak I felt when you weren’t there. You tried to brush everything under the rug and I tried to too. But in the end, I couldn’t. Too much was said. Too much hurt had happened.
Now we’re strangers. Now we’re just two people who used to know each other. Now you’re just someone I think about and realize I miss on a semi-regular basis. Now you’re one of my breakups that I think about a lot more often than any of those dirtbags.
I know we’re in this strange limbo right now and we don’t know where to go from here and where our friendship even stands, but there’s one very important thing I need you to know.
I will never stop loving you. I will always cherish our friendship and what that has always meant to me. I will always consider you family, because at one point, you were my only family. I will still continue to be your best friend from a distance. I will continue to root you on and always have your best interest at heart. I will continue to stick up to other people for you and only want what’s best for you.
You will always be the Meredith to my Cristina.
You will always be the Monica to my Rachel.
You will always be the P. Sawyer to my B. Davis.
You will always be the Ying to my Yang.
I will always love you.