What Every Zodiac Is Thinking But Will Never Tell You To Your Face

Updated 2 years ago, April 15 2025
Zodiac

ARIES

I can’t really remember how this fight started, but I’m going to keep going with it just to save face at this point, and because I can’t stand not winning.

TAURUS

I don’t want to tell you where I actually bought this sweater, so I’m going to pretend to be humble as an excuse to stall while I decide whether I’m going to tell you it was Anthropologie or Abercrombie.

GEMINI

I haven’t taken a nap since 1997, but sure, let me move the doctors appointment I had to wait six months for so we can reschedule the one on one you’ve already moved three times, and are probably going to move again.

CANCER

I’ve had an over under bet on when you would call me to announce this break up for six months, which I one hundred percent just won, but please tell me how you finally spotted one of the thousand red flags I’ve low key been trying to warn you about this whole time.

LEO

This bar is definitely not chill, and there will be no place to sit or stand, but I’m not going to let you know that because I can’t get out of this social obligation and need to walk in with at least three people to not look lame.

VIRGO

I’m actually really, really bored with life right now and worry whether I’m holding myself back for the sole purpose of ensuring I remain number one in everything I do, even if I’m doing it all in my sleep.

LIBRA

I do have a favorite child, but I’d rather get hit by a bus than ever say the answer out loud.

SCORPIO

I picked you out of this crowd because I’m incredibly attracted to shy people in part because they’re so non-threatening. I know you’ll be so intimidated by my confidence that you don’t pry too deep under my surface or question any of my bravado.

SAGITTARIUS

I want you to think I’m adventurous and well-traveled, but I don’t come from a background that allowed me to backpack through Europe or Asia for a whole year after college. While I’m jealous of those who did, I also look down on them for being culturally illiterate.

CAPRICORN

I work this hard because the scarcity mindset really gets to me, and I’m convinced if I don’t give my blood, sweat, and tears to this company, my position, income, and financial stability could all be snatched away from me in the blink of an eye.

AQUARIUS

I spend so much time worrying about the ways in which I’ve been the problem in systems and societal structures that oppress other people. I worry that no matter how involved I get, or how often or loud I speak out, it will never make up for the damage I’ve unknowingly done.