What Happens After The Person You Love The Most Lets You Down

Sometimes, when you love a person to the point where it feels breathtaking just being around them, it feels almost unbearable to ever think that that person could ever be capable of hurting you. Until that day comes.

It comes without a warning sign, though not unaccompanied by the red flags that you’ve been ignoring the entire time. And then when you realize it, you’re excusing yourself out of a room just to let out a hard cry at noon.

You’re experiencing a pain that feels almost physical, though you can’t begin to comprehend where it begins and where it ends. It’s consuming your entire body, your thoughts, your time, your projects.

You’re trying to function, trying to act normal, and let’s face it, to everyone else you do look normal on the outside, because that’s just how clean-cut you built your facade to be.

But you can’t feel a damn thing, and at the same time you feel immeasurable pain. You want to share your pain, but no words feel adequate enough and no one could understand it. Sometimes you even begin to speak, but you feel so belittled by the pain that you allowed yourself to feel that you just decide not to.

It’s feeling like you could burst into tears at any minute, and with the same intensity rage and rant to the person who hurt you as if they would ever know what to do.

Time can’t rewind, actions can’t be undone. You’re forced to keep going, you’re forced to breathe in and breathe out, even knowing that a part of you is forever gone.

So you just live through it. You cry. You miss the previous naive moments. You try and fail to forgive yourself at this moment. And you just hope with whatever strength you have left that this is all going to fade at some point.

You hope for the day when the first thing you feel in the morning isn’t a heavy chest. You long to put your heart at ease. You cry out through your silent sobs in the middle of the night for better days.

And they’ll come—I know they’ll come. They just have to.