What Happens When You Finally Stop Settling For A Life That Isn’t Your Own

When you finally stop settling for a life that isn’t your own, you will be deeply uncomfortable at first. After all, you will be navigating utterly unfamiliar territory. It will be so different to see that you do not need to settle for those things you know are not meant for you, those people that do not see you clearly, a life that is not your own. It will feel awkward and foolish to believe you deserve better than what you have been tolerating up until this point. You will resist the notion that there is more waiting for you. You will feel the growing pains that come along with allowing yourself to take up space. You will feel directionless and lost and afraid. You will see the path in front of you, the one that will lead you to your truest existence, and initially, you’ll want to sprint the other way. You will want to send the calling to voicemail and then never call it back. You will want to curl back up into a life you know you have outgrown because at least you know it well. At least you know it will be palatable to everyone else. At least you will feel comfortable and safe because you know exactly what to expect.

But you know that is exactly what the problem is. Every day is the exactly same. The same self-disappointment, the same lingering sense you want something else for yourself, the same boredom, the same listlessness, the same suffering. Some may call this way of being monotony, others may refer to it as routine, and some may describe it as simply being stuck in a rut. But you know none of that accurately nails down what it is you’re going through. Because you know what it is: soul-stifling.

It is soul-stifling to exist in a life that is not your own. It is soul-stifling to play a character you never even auditioned for but somehow found yourself reciting because other people acted like this shell of a person was more worth listening to than you. It is soul-stifling to play by society’s rules. It is soul-stifling to do everything that is expected of you, not what you actually want to do.

And yet. You’re still uncertain you’re ready for your life to transcend to something that truly looks like yours. You’re not sure you’re ready to step back into yourself either. But you know it was never about being ready. It was about being brave enough to take the first step. It was about trying despite the fear. And so you do. Because you realize that you can’t live another goddamned day like you have been living. And so finally, you stop.

When you finally stop settling for a life that isn’t your own, you will be lonely at first. But that’s only because rebuilding a life always is. Some people you adore will not fit into your new way of being, and you won’t fit in their life anymore as a result. You will spend more Saturday nights solo than you have before. You will be bored by conversations you once pretended to be interested in. You will no longer feel the urge to impress people you don’t even really like. But in doing this, you make space for new and more authentic connections. And, you solidify those relationships that were always meant to stay.

When you finally stop settling for a life that isn’t your own, you will find yourself grieving at first. You will grieve all the time you spent on people who didn’t care to love you. You will lament the hours you wasted trying to convince yourself you were being truthful in the way you were leading your life. You will regret the lies you told yourself because you realize that the worst person you can lie to is yourself.

But, in time, the dust settles. The fog lifts. The pain dwindles. The regret hangs suspended above you not as an omen but as a reminder to never lose yourself in someone else’s story again. And so you don’t.

Instead, you become utterly and stupidly alive. Because you’re finally listening to the music you actually connect with. You will be reading books by authors you believe you could be friends with if fate had any empathy. You will be spending more time alone but will call it solitude. You will begin referring to friends as family. You will stop feeling the urge to numb your feelings and listen to them instead. You will wake up.

You will finally be home.