What I Wish I Could Tell You After Our Engagement Ended 

My love, my truest love, this is an open letter to you, because I know that somehow you will read it. Maybe one of these nights before a date with your new lover—a local beauty with gorgeous blue eyes, not like myself, just a regular brown-eyed girl living 3,000 miles away. 

This one’s for you, the man that completely shook my world. The one that made me feel like a teenager every day, playing over and over again “Born To Make You Happy”, because I truly believed that I was born to make you happy, as cheesy as it sounds. 

But somehow, we went wrong, and the most beautiful love story turned into sad songs, endless nights of loneliness, and sorrow. My Eternal Flame suddenly extinguished, and I keep wondering why. I know I wasn’t perfect, and I never will be. But God knows I loved you. I never loved anyone the way that I loved you. I never imagined my life with anyone else the way I did with you. I never let myself be vulnerable like how I was with you. Everything was different with you. I never felt this way for anyone, and I can’t help but wonder if I will feel this way ever again, if I will be capable of loving anyone else. If I will be able to share my life with someone that’s not you. 

I tried to pretend that I was okay, that I had forgotten you and that our beautiful story was water under the bridge. But, honestly, I’m not gonna lie: I still love you. And I will always love you. I waited so long to be with you that the me after you is now a delusional half-human half-ghost who doesn’t know life without you. I got tired of pretending, I got tired of playing the “he doesn’t deserve me” card. Because behind all that rage I feel for you hides an enormous frustration for losing you, for not making it to our wedding day, for not having your kids, for being another bride without a groom. Because I swear to you, my love… I was ready to become your missus. I had to learn how to live life without you instead. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m still trying. I had to learn how to stop bringing up your name in every conversation. I had to learn how to go to the places we went together and try not to cry because I wish things were different. I had to learn how to look at my wedding gown and not fall in pieces because I knew I was never gonna wear it under the same meaning. I had to learn how to pick up the pieces of my heart and put them back together. But I still don’t know how to. I’m still broken. 

So here I am, not asking you to come back to me, but letting you know that no matter the distance, no matter how much time goes by, I will always love you. You will always be with me somehow. I wish for you to find love and happiness or whatever fulfills your soul—I want you to have it. Know, my love, that you will always be the love of my life. I will always think of you and believe that God loves me so much that he gave me you for a while, but gave me your remembrance for an eternity. 

I don’t know where life will lead me. I don’t know if I will find someone else. But in my heart, I know it will always be you, my Eternal Flame.