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What I Wish Someone Told Me In The Midst Of My Depression

Oh sweet child, tell me about your griefs, your hurts, and your troubles. I can see all of those heavy burdens you’re carrying, weighing you down. I see the storms in your eyes. There’s no shame here, only love. In fact, I think you are so, so brave and so, so strong. Even if all you did today was keep breathing, that’s always what I will think of you. 

Most are unable to comprehend the deep suffering that comes with this sorrow that your soul is buried in. I’m sorry if anyone has ever made it seem like this is a small mountain to climb—I know that it’s not. Everything you’re feeling right now is justified. You don’t have to lay out anything before me to validate your suffering. You are allowed to suffer, and you are allowed to want to suffer no longer. Both of these can be true at the same time. 

If I could, I would hold all of your pain; I would bear it on myself. Not so that you feel like a burden, but so that you can rest and feel like it’s okay for you to do so. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you should want to live or that you should want to feel better or get better. When the life you once knew and loved is on fire, I understand why making it out of this seems unlikely. It makes sense that any mention of the future feels like a fantasy. I won’t give you advice or tell you what I think you want to hear. I’ll just sit here with you and honor your pain. 

I know that you have deep wisdom in that heart of yours that will pull you through this dark night. Do you hear it beating, that heart of yours? It’s rooting for you, just like I am. Your existence matters, even if all you ever did your entire life was simply deliver oxygen to your own organs. You were meant to be here. Go ahead and rest in that truth, no matter what the world might tell you to the contrary. I don’t care about your productivity; there’s no need to improve yourself to be worthy of love. I love you right now, whoever you are. 

So, my fellow human being, remember: one breath at a time. That’s all you need to do. The sun shall rise again, even if it’s tainted with thunderstorms. I believe you to be worthy of happiness, even if you don’t believe that for yourself. It’s okay, it’s okay to grieve. Take all the time you need.