You need to understand that a woman who has been single for a long time has always been used to doing things by herself. She takes herself to work, may she be commuting or driving her own cars. She can buy her own food. She wouldn’t wait for you to bring her food because she can just order on her phone. She will not pine for you if you don’t have the time to accompany her to do some errands simply because she has been doing it herself on her own. Whenever you feel like you can’t do anything for her, remember that you can never treat her the way you would usually treat other girls you’ve dated in the past.
You need to understand that she won’t miss you after a couple of days of not seeing you. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you. She just has so much on her plate that she can never attend to all your needs. She wants you to understand that she’s also busy and that you are as well. You’re both working from Mondays to Fridays, eight hours a day. The work day doesn’t mean only eight hours a day, but it includes time to prepare, to drive to work, to have lunch and dinner, and to sleep. We can only do so much with the time that we are given.
You need to understand that after being single for a long time, she almost forgot how it feels to have someone admire her and love her, for someone other than her friends and family to show her affection. She’s used to only seeing it in movies, so she may not know how to show it to you. You have to make the first move. You have to teach her how it is to be in a relationship. You have to teach her how to love and to accept admiration and appreciation. Because after so long, someone does actually admire and like her, and she needs to understand and accept that truth.
You need to understand that it wouldn’t be easy for her to tell you everything. She will have the tendency to keep things to herself. She will bear the burden of her problems alone. Because she’s used to it. She’s been used to getting through it alone. But now that you’re there for her, constantly remind her that it’s okay to feel vulnerable. Remind her that it’s okay for her to be weak. Because you will be there when she’s sad. Because you’ll be there when she’s vulnerable. You’ll be there when she feels like the whole world has turned against her. You’ll be there in every moment of her life.
You need to understand that she’ll want to have time for herself. She treasures her freedom too much and you have to slowly break it down for her. She needs to be alone at times. And she would want you to respect that. Because for a long time, she was her companion. She needed to slowly break away from that.
You need to understand that she would also want enough time for other people. You have to understand that you are both living a life not only as each other’s partners but also as a son or a daughter to your parents, a sibling, a friend, a colleague at work. She needs you to respect her time with other people. She will eventually introduce you to the people around her, but you don’t need to be there all the time with her. She would appreciate that.
But lastly, you also have to understand that you have to constantly remind her that she’s already in a relationship. You have to remind her that she also has responsibility as your partner. That even though you don’t have to see each day, communication should always be constant. You should remind her that in order for the relationship to work, one’s presence should always be felt. She might get upset whenever you remind her, but she will understand. Because she knows that. She just forgets sometimes. After being alone for a long time, she needs to adjust. She needs to be reminded that she is not the only one anymore.
For all the single, strong, independent, career-driven women out there, these are the things that guys who will be dating us need to understand. It sure will be difficult, but I feel like there’s someone out there who will understand. And if there’s none, then we should never settle. Because we’ve built ourselves for a long time. We’ve come this far, and we should never go back to how we used to be.