When He Ghosts You, Put Away Your Phone

Fight the urge to reach out, please. 

Things were going great, plans were made, the attraction was high, the chemistry strong, and then nothing—dead air.

Like a thief in the night, or that feeling of cold crisp air penetrating through your skin like a jolt of lightning. He went from good morning texts each day to nonexistent. 

Maybe he was someone you’ve known for many years, in-and-out energy that you finally opened yourself up to, felt vulnerable to, decided to invest in, and then radio silence. 

Maybe this was a pattern. He told you for so long that he loved you, he would choose you, and then once the feeling was reciprocated, poof! A day passed, then two, and then a week.  

How many conversations did you have with him expressing his feelings about all the others that wronged you, but not seeing his own wrongdoing? 

You once again allowed yourself to trust, believing he was different, investing your time and heart into empty promises. Fight the urge to reach out!

What if something is wrong? What if he just needs space? What if there is someone else and he needs time to settle that before fully committing to you? All of these could certainly be the case, but at what point do you choose to self-preserve and have the courage to remain quiet? I would say now. 

At what point do you stop thinking about why and what happened and realize what YOU need from a partner? If all of the above is true, then what does it take to communicate that? Believe that you are a deserving person above all else and this behavior is disrespectful to the person you are. You always put others above yourself, you take time to be thoughtful, and your heart is bigger than your body. Not to mention you have a forwardness to share your feelings and the amazing ability to lift other people up.

You are resilient. Actually, you’re better than that—you are a warrior at picking yourself up! This is happening again, and it seems cruel, even downright unfair. Here’s the deal: IT IS! What is the takeaway? These experiences always tug at your heart, but you can learn from them. Resist the urge. I know it’s tough! What strength and pure gut it takes to hold yourself to a higher standard. It’s not burying your head in the sand to not confront him, it’s loyalty to your heart. 

Silence on your end speaks volumes.

Here is what you won’t do: You won’t chase him or anyone else, because what kind of message does that send? You will move forward because the work you have put into yourself is where happiness lies. You will read more, exercise more, reach out to friends, take up painting, meditate, do what needs to be done to realize that you have all of the tools inside of you to nurture yourself through this. You don’t need clarification from him!  

Believe me, regardless of his reasons, say nothing! 

He will reach out eventually because you are a valuable person who took a stand and you did it with grace. That is a rare quality. It’s not about shutting down, it’s about treasuring yourself and not putting him on a pedestal. If he comes back and proves himself, then you can decide after clear boundaries are set with what behavior you will tolerate—after all, you would not do that to him. 

If he doesn’t come back, another door will open. So, if he all of the sudden pulls away, let him! Do the same in return. 

Love is a funny thing. You have an abundance of it—it’s not just reserved for one person. There is plenty to go around. Love is a choice, so make the choice to love yourself more! If you set the stage of self-love, the person returning or coming in will reciprocate that love—I promise.

For right now, it hurts—the itch to reach out, the not knowing, the investment that feels like robbery, the insensitive behavior that was unwarranted, and the lack of respect on his end. Shit is always going to happen in life, but how you deal with it is key. Be your biggest advocate, be loyal to your heart, and be brave enough to say nothing.

Life has a way of being a boomerang. It’s your job to ride the wave, take in the sites, and enjoy the journey.  

There is NO man worth losing your composure to. He was lucky to have such a beautiful woman love him; he was unlucky to let you pass him by. Know what you bring to the table. You shouldn’t have to chase after anyone to love you in return. Give it time and you will see the rewards of your silence, especially if he is the right person—the pattern will be broken once he returns.  

Love is a mysterious thing, but one thing is for certain: Loving yourself is the most admirable thing you can do.

Resist the urge to contact him, please.