When We Nurture Intimacy, We Nurture Kindness

The setting was perfect. The ambiance was magical—the bonfire at the center of our attention, toasting the tips of our toes. The flickers burning iridescent hues of golden orange, deep violet, and smoky blues were an invitation to warm our bones—the inky dark sky above vast and abundant in starlight. The autumn moon pitched to perfection in her luminosity and grace, lighting our way. The scene was swanky and spacious. The city lights and traffic were far enough to be seen and heard as the loud hum of the crickets and nature drowned out the world below.  

It was just us, three plush cozy chairs, fuzzy blankets, hot tea, sweet chocolate, candles, conversation, and ancient feminine wisdom and glow.  

Girlfriends and soul sisters together again since our last spring backpacking adventure, holding space for each other and for the ones who couldn’t be present but rooted in the flames of our hearts. 

We shared and swapped stories of past, present, and future desires, secret hopes, and plans. Our bonds grew and guards thawed. 

Our stories and words revealed reflections of forgotten and surviving wounds—emotions, burns, and scars acting as our guiding light, a way in and a way through. We held one another as we tenderly looked back, only to move forward. 

 Tears fell from my cheek, and my words spoke without trepidation – any resistance melting in the welcome warmth of the flames and heart and soul of the two women by my side. 

That’s the recipe for intimacy—bonds discovered when we first met only a few years ago, where we sat in a circle around the altar of candles and bouquets of blossoms. A scene similar but no fire pit to warm us, only readiness, excitement, curiosity, and our deep desire for connection. The bare truth of our wounded hearts, dreams, and devotion to heat our bones.

Intimacy suggests close consideration and devoted listening. To be with whatever arises and trust it to be revealed—a sacred container rooted in truth, wonder, empathy, and faith. The spirit of intimacy makes us receptive, aware, and present to the moment as it unfolds. In every breath, every shift in bone, every passing thought, every warm embrace, we develop intimacy.

When we nurture intimacy, we promote the free flow of awareness inside—a generous blend of giving and receiving, insight and mystery. Intimacy implies a nonjudgmental presence and a depth of understanding. Without kindness, care, and poise, it is all too easy to become reactive, critique, and want to fix, defend, and prove. Intimacy demands that we pay close attention to joy and love and feelings of sadness and loss. When we acknowledge our pain without rejecting it or clinging to it and sit in the presence of ourselves or others who do the same, then we can learn to love and lead through the lens of compassion. 

From our time together, I’m reminded we are always connected—within ourselves and in the presence of others. At any moment, if we allow it, we are held and supported. The qualities of connection are limitless and expansive, defining our thirst for love, compassion, understanding, and openness.

In this light, intimacy is the very root of connection and kindheartedness. It illuminates the sacred bond of belonging and relationship with ourselves as well as our relationship with others.