Maria Orlova

When What You Were Once So Sure Of Turns Into ‘What Were You Thinking?’

What happens when what you were once so sure of turns into what were you thinking? What happens when the people who were once the closest to you become the people you don’t get along with? What happens when you feel like everything you were taught in the past is totally irrelevant to your present? Sometimes you wonder if this is part of growing up or if you are having some kind of identity crisis or if you’ve really just outgrown who you used to be and the life you used to live.

The truth is, I’m still trying to find the answer to that, and at 30-something, it’s hard for me to admit that I got it all wrong in some major areas of my life and my judgment has erred more than once in the most important decisions of my life, but what keeps me going is knowing that I’m at least one step closer to the truth, one step closer to finding who I’m really meant to be, and one step closer to making the right decisions. Because when what you knew for sure back then becomes totally irrelevant to you now, it means that you’re either finally coming to terms with who you really are and filtering out the beliefs that were passed on to you by your parents or your society or your environment or it means you’ve healed and you are no longer resonating with who you were when you were broken. 

When suddenly you don’t feel like following the same path or abiding by the same rules, when you feel that the people you once trusted were the reason behind your biggest trust issues and when you feel that what once defined you was actually limiting you, then you’re on your way to a better you and a better future because you now have courage and strength that no one can infiltrate. You’ve built a very strong door that cannot be broken into because you’re the only one with the key.  

You become different versions of yourself throughout your life, and sometimes the version that speaks most to you most is the one that has nothing to do with who you were in the past. The version that doesn’t connect with the same people anymore. The version that loves in a totally different way and with totally different people. The version that makes opposite choices. The version that doesn’t see life with the same lens anymore. Sometimes the version you are finally ready to reveal is the one that’s been suppressed within you all along, but you weren’t confident enough to let it out. 

So what happens when what you were once so sure of turns into what were you thinking? You embrace the transformation and the new revelations. You embrace the challenges that come along with it. You accept your new self and you revel in this new version, because I believe that after all the storms, the ups and downs and the chaos, what you find and who you become tend to stand the test of time.